Seasons of Sorrow
by zzzaney
Summary: A continuing saga from 'The Hearth of a Donii'. They have made it to the Zelandonii, but is this their final destination?
1. Default Chapter

**_Seasons of Sorrow_**

  
Madenia poked another piece of wood into the fire, then checked the water skins. Though it was warm inside the cave, the cooler Autumn air breezed past her every once in a while. She was looking forward to the hot tea as she glanced about the cave. Mostly everyone was still sleeping. Ayla, of  
course, had been up when she woke and went to the river to wash up. She still didn't know how anyone would want to bathe in such cold water. The longing she felt when she thought of the hot springs was now familiar to her. Madenia knew she longed for home.

Had it only been 4 or 5 turnings of the moon since she'd left? So much had happened in such a short time. Her stomach growled and she added some dried meat to the larger water skin that was starting to boil. The leftover starchy roots from last nights meal was then added, as well as some parched grain. The hearth they shared was adequate, but sometimes with Jondalar, Ranec, Ayla, Tholiza and Wynic, plus herself, she sometimes felt crowded to the point of suffocation.

She didn't have to stay in Jondalar and Ayla's hearth, she reminded herself. But she certainly didn't feel comfortable staying with Zelandoni either. The woman just didn't put Madenia to ease like her Losanduni had. Of course, Ranec didn't mind staying at their hearth, and she didn't want to be left out so she stayed. More times than not, Madenia and Ranec shared a sleeping platform. There were only 3 in the hearth, and Tholiza and Wynic had one, Ayla and Jondalar the other. 

Since the night of the matrimony when they shared pleasures, Madenia found it easier to be around him. Ranec never pushed her to share the Mother's gift, yet he was often willing when she was ready. At first Ranec would share the furs of others and she had the platform mostly to herself, but over the past month or so he'd spent almost every night at the hearth. 

Sighing, Madenia knew this wasn't where she wanted to spend the rest of her life. The predictions Zelandoni had made at the mating ceremony intrigued and scared her. The thought of her one day having children was a delight, but the rest? Ayla, Ranec and Jondalar definitely had a shared destiny. Zelandoni said as much. The only thing she was told is one day she would be a mother. There was nothing to tie her to the rest of her traveling companions. Perhaps that was why she'd felt so uncomfortable these past few weeks.

Glancing at Ranec asleep nearby she sighed as she poured herself a cup of tea. Almost forgetting to add the herbs Ayla had given her, Madenia reached for the little pouch and let them steep in the hot liquid. She knew Ranec wouldn't leave Ayla. Though she knew more than any of the zelandonii about his connection to Ayla, she knew that he would always love her in his own way. Of course, he also had to teach Tholiza and Wynic his carving skill. Zelandoni said as much. What could she possibly teach them? Ayla knew way more about medicine than her, and all three of them were better hunters than her. Though she could do bead work, it wasn't spectacular and Ayla was quickly learning, adding new patterns that no one had ever thought of before. No, she didn't have anything to offer these people, and knew from the looks of those at the 9th cave she was being allowed to stay out of deference to Jondalar. 

Taking her tea, Madenia left the hearth and stepped out onto the limestone ledge. orange, red, and brown hues danced across the land as the Mother prepared her creatures for the small death of winter. If she didn't leave soon, she'd have to winter with the zelandonii. But, where would she go if she left? She had snuck out of her home cave in the night. Not even telling her mother. Would they take her back? No. She didn't want to go there. If she stayed at home, she'd be an outcast. Tainted by Charoli and his men. Perhaps she'd have a life like Ayla? She could find a small cave and live alone. Perhaps she'd find some horses to keep her company. Madenia finished her tea and headed back into the cave to contemplate her idea. Perhaps...

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Ayla watched as Zelandonii steeped the yarrow leaves in the mixture of water and bouza. When Loslara first ran into the cave to say her brother had fallen down a cliff and couldn't make it back to the cave on his own, Zelandonii nodded at her and Ayla had quickly grabbed her medicine kit, as well as Whinney. In no time they found the young man at the bottom of a rock face. His thigh had, unfortunately, be pierced with a piece of wood as he tumbled. Using the travois to carry him back to the cave, both women had managed to remove the wood, making sure there were no splinters left to fester later on. Though they gave him a drink for the pain, the man had cried out quite a bit. 

His mother, Rolanda, and her mate stayed close by outside the hearth, waiting for word. Zelandonii, like Mamut, Ayla mused, also didn't allow loved ones near by when they had to work. It wasn't easy to watch someone hurt a child, even if it was for his own good. 

Ayla's attention was drawn back to the scene when Zelandonii stopped the chanting she'd been doing. Not overtly loud, but enough to calm the pale face of the boy. He couldn't have been more than 13 she mused, and wondered if he'd had his Doni-woman yet. 

"Don't worry, Lemaron, we're almost finished. You've done very well. How did you fall down the hill to begin with?" Zelandonii asked to distract him as she added crushed Fron to the poultice and apply it to his leg. 

The youngster grimaced, but did his best to appear brave. Especially in front of the blond stranger. He'd never really been near her before. Most of the boys his age talked about her enough, but they had been too shy to approach her. She was beautiful, could throw a spear further than anyone they knew and that sling! It was as if Doni had given it to her from birth. 

"Loslara took my new knife. The one Joharren made for me. She wouldn't give it back when I told her to and ran from me. I was trying to catch her." He finished quietly as he noticed Zelandonii's stern look. 

"You could have come to one of us, Lemaron. You know the rules." Zelandonii admonished. 

"But she took it!" He protested. 

"Yes, and I'll have a talk with her later." Zelandonii then turned to Ayla with curiosity. "How would you have treated his wound, Ayla?" She asked. 

Though she accepted the Clan as being human, and wasn't questioning Ayla's ability as a healer, it still surprised her the depth of the young woman's knowledge. More than a few times she'd been pleased to learn of new uses for plants she'd been using all her life. 

Ayla leaned forward a little to study his leg. She thought carefully of her answer, wanting to remember everything Iza had taught her. "I would have also used a poultice. The yarrow's good for drawing out fever, and probably colt's root for swelling. I'm not too familiar with the fron you used. Iza did use Juniper seeds though, they look somewhat like it." 

Zelandonii smiled and nodded. "Yes, they're from the same family. Juniper doesn't grow well around here though. The uses are almost identical though." 

Ayla smiled in return, comfortable around her new friend. It hadn't been easy living with the zelandoni. Some people still weren't accepting of her and her Clan upbringing. But she was lucky. Jondalar loved her. She had Tholiza and Wynic. Plus Ranec and Madenia. Even Joharren had been friendly to her. Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes when she thought of Marthona. Ayla had truly been lucky to have been blessed with so many mothers. 

"Please tell Rolanda she can come in now, Ayla." 

Ayla gave Lemaron a reassuring smile that caused him to blush as she ducked past the hide covering. 

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Ranec was the first to see Ayla approach the hearth. "How's the boy?" He asked as he bounced Tholiza on his knee. 

Jondalar turned towards her, and put his free arm around her as she sat down beside him. 

"I think he'll have full use of his leg. Zelandonii is with him now." 

"That's good to know." Jondalar sighed, but Ayla noticed his forehead pinched. She knew he had much weighing on his mind, but they had been so busy since returning from the summer meeting that neither had much time to talk. She realized that in some ways, she really missed the traveling they'd done. At least in the evenings after camp was set up, they could talk all night if they wanted.   
"I think somebody missed you." He added, and handed Wynic to her. 

Ayla held him close and inhaled deeply as she kissed his soft hair. He was getting so big! When he opened his mouth and started to root, she obliged and lifted her tunic so he could nurse. It was getting rather late in the day and her stomach growled, reminding her that she still needed to start on the evening meal. Looking around, she realized that Madenia wasn't in the common areas nearby. 

"Have either of you seen Madenia?" she asked. 

Jondalar shrugged. "I was with Joharren most of the day. The weather is good and Zelandonii said it would be a good time to organize a hunt. Winter's almost here and we need to store as much as we can. Zole- Zelandonii said that she thinks we're going to have a hard winter this year." 

Ayla frowned as she thought of Whinney and Racer. Though the 9th cave of the zelandoni were protected from the worst of winter by the thick walls of the cave, the horses had no such protection. She knew that Jondalar had asked Joharren if they'd be able to construct a shelter of sorts, perhaps like they had with the Mamutoi, but so far they hadn't found a suitable location. With the weather being so nice, and so much for her to do and learn, she'd almost forgotten about the shelter! Belatedly, she realized that Ranec was speaking. 

"-- that was earlier today though, before Lemaron had his accident." 

Jondalar looked around the cave at others he knew who'd gone to gather what they could earlier. "I'm sure she'll be back soon. Wolf went with her in any case. Besides, there are still some people out gathering." 

Ayla nodded and placed the soft carrying cloak around her shoulder, situating Wynic. "I think I'll make what's left of that elk haunch. Since we had it last night it won't take long to heat, I'll make a stew and I'll add the starch roots and some of the grains we'd gathered. That should thicken it. Perhaps I'll add some--" 

"Ayla, if you don't stop telling me what you're going to make, I'll not be able to wait for you to cook it!" Ranec laughed and both Ayla and Jondalar joined in, though she couldn't stop herself from blushing at the compliment. 

"Why don't you check on Racer and Whinney for me then? I'm sure Tholiza would like to see them. She hasn't been down to see them lately." 'Neither have I,' Ayla thought. 

Ranec hoisted the blond haired girl to his shoulders as he picked up his spear thrower. Seeing Ayla moving the roast to the edge of the fire, he couldn't resist picking a piece off as turned to get the roots. 

"Stop that!" Ayla playfully reached to smack his hand out of the way but he was too quick. She watched as he laughingly left the cave. Glancing at the woman approaching the hearth, she noticed she wasn't the only one watching the carver with the laughing eyes. 

Jondalar moved forward, preparing to wrap his arms around Ayla from behind when she spoke. Sighing, he sat back onto the sleeping platform. 

"Hello, Folara." Ayla greeted to get her attention. Jondalar's younger sister blushed as she stepped into the hearth and sat beside Jondalar. 

"Hi, Ayla, Jondalar." Folara leaned towards Wynic. "And how are you doing little man?" She cooed to the baby. He stopped nursing long enough to favor her with a toothless grin, then quickly latched on again. 

"What brings you over here, Sis? Not that we're not happy to see you." Jondalar teasingly asked. It was well known that his sister had developed an attraction for Ranec. At first Jondalar was hesitant. He wanted to keep Folara away from the carver, but it had been Ayla that made him realize that his sister was no longer a child, but a beautiful young woman who could make her own choices. If he was honest with himself, he also knew part of him was still a little jealous of the man. Folara had spent more time 'visiting' with her brother since they returned, than she ever did before he left! 

"Mother wanted to know if you'd like to have dinner with us. She and Willomar still have a lot left over from the bison. 

Jondalar looked at Ayla, who silently shrugged. "Tell her we'd love to. Madenia isn't back yet though and Ranec took Tholiza to see the horses." 

Ayla noticed how Folara's smile dropped when Jondalar mentioned Madenia, but the woman quickly hid it. She felt sorry for her. It seemed that Ranec knew she liked him, and he was friendly enough with her. They'd shared pleasures many times since the summer meeting, but he hadn't shown any inclination of furthering the relationship. She did however, see where Ranec's eyes tended to fall often and hoped that he would eventually find the happiness that he deserved. 

"That's all right. It's not ready yet anyway. I'll let her know that you'll be there later." Folara seemed about to say something else when they heard laughter coming from the entrance. They watched as he appeared, carrying a large basket. Madenia was beside him carrying Tholiza. She was also smiling, but Ayla saw the dark circles under her eyes. 

Her skill as a medicine woman kicked in and as Madenia approached, she noted the pallor of the woman. The tiredness. She was pushing herself too hard. She also knew that Madenia wasn't very happy lately, but didn't know why. She'd tried talking to her many times, but Madenia always avoided the topic. Ayla knew more than Madenia did on certain subjects though, and asked her to take some herbs with her morning tea, and again in the evening before bed. Madenia reluctantly agreed, and Ayla could see that it was helping some. If what Ayla suspected was true she would feel better in time. 

"Madenia, I was getting worried. You shouldn't stay out so long. At least not by yourself. The night comes earlier this time of year." Ayla gently admonished. 

"You should have told someone which direction you were heading, in case something happened." Jondalar added. 

Madenia blushed. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that. It was just such a nice day though, and I wanted to gather as much as I could." 

The basked Ranec sat down had roots, tubers, the last of the berries that had been clinging stubbornly to a thorny bush and grains. She certainly had been busy, Ayla thought. 

"You've been gathering enough to feed the entire cave, Denie" Ranec teased, using the special name he'd given her. He wasn't sure when he'd started using it, but it suited her, and she did seem pleased. 

Madenia shrugged. "I just want to be useful." She added self-consciously. 

Folara stood to be closer to Ranec, but he hadn't seemed to even notice she was standing there. "I've got to help Mother get the meal ready. I'll see you later." she announced with forced cheerfulness. 

"Thanks, Folara. Tell Marthona that I'll bring some of the berry cakes I've been experimenting with." Ayla added, feeling sympathy for the woman. She knew what it was like to think the one she loved didn't love her in return. 

"Marthona and Willomar have invited us to share their evening meal." Jondalar informed Ranec and Madenia as Folara hurried back to her hearth. 

"Great! I could probably eat an entire mammoth!" Ranec exaggerated as he eyed the meat Ayla was putting away. 

"Don't even think about it!" She warned as Madenia pulled out a pack from the sleeping platform she used. 

"I'm going to wash up before I eat. I'll be back soon." she announced as she headed for the nearby stream. 

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"When do you want to leave for the hunt?" Jondalar asked his brother. As leader of a large group of people, it was imperitive that they not only hunted often for large numbers of animals, but that they were successful. The scouts that had been sent out yesterday, on the advice of Zelandoni, had returned saying they spotted a large herd of bison on the plains to the west. 

Joharren turned to Zelandoni, who nodded slightly. "I don't want to wait too long, since they could move off by then. The day after tomorrow should give us enough time to organize everyone." 

"Great! I've been wanting to use the spear-throwers since the summer meeting." Jondalar added. 

"Haven't you been using them every time you've hunted, Jondalar?" Folara asked. 

"Yes, but that's just been one or two animals. You can't really appreciate what one can do until you've hunted a herd. Since you can throw from farther away, you don't have to be as close." 

"That's a lot safer. I wish more of us knew how to use them accurately." Willomar added. Though he'd practiced with the thrower, he, like most everyone else didn't have the accuracy it took to bring down an animal. 

"We've been showing everyone who wants to learn, maybe you can try it out on this hunt?" Jondalar eagerly suggested. He was proud of the invention, and wanted to give his people the benefits of the spear-throwers. 

"Perhaps. It depends on how well I'm doing." The older man grinned. 

"Ayla, are you going to use your sling also?" Folara asked in earnest. Ever since Ayla had arrived, she was in awe of the woman her brother mated. She was beautiful, talented, and was always eager to share and explain what she knew. There were a lot of zelandonii who didn't want others to be able to do what they did. It wouldn't be as special if everyone could do it. Folara was especially in awe of the way Ayla used her sling. She could bring down four birds before they even knew what hit them. More than once she found herself fantacising that she was talented like Ayla, and that the tall dark, mysterious carver from so far away would look at her with love. 

"I doubt if I'd be able to bring down any large animal with it. Bison are very thick boned. I'll take it, of course, but I'll also be using my spear-thrower." 

Zelandoni had been quietly observing everyone as they ate and talked about what they needed to bring on the hunt. She noticed that everyone but Madenia seemed excited about it. There were dark circles under her eyes, and Ayla had confided in her that she didn't seem well. The Zelandoni knew that illnesses of the spirit were the hardest of all to cure. 

Willomar told a joke and she noticed that when Ranec laughed, Madenia's face seemed to spark to life as she looked at him. She decided to store that information away for later. 

"Madenia, are you going to go along on the hunt?" Zelandoni asked. The younger woman seemed startled that she'd been addressed. 

"I hadn't really thought about it." She quietly answered. Jondalar, whom she'd been sitting beside, gently squeezed her knee. 

"You don't want to miss out on this hunt. If we have time, we may be able to travel to the Great Water's of the West. They go on as far as the eye can see. The dirt is not dirt at the water's edge. It's grainy, and there are many creatures that live in the waters that wash up onto the land. It's something that I never tire looking at." 

Ayla smiled at Jondalar's enthusiasum. She'd heard Jerkia talking about the Great Waters, and really did want to see them herself. She hadn't known that Jondalar had been planning to travel there, and hoped that they'd be able to go. She wondered how different it would be from the penninsula in Berin Sea where she'd grown up. 

"Besides, with winter coming everyone will be in the cave all the time. This could be the last chance for a while to get out." Ranec added, giving her his special smile. 

Folara frowned at the attention Ranec was giving Madenia. Normally, she would have been friends with her. Madenia was a nice person, but it was difficult to be nice to her when she saw her a competition. Ranec seemed to like Madenia, but he had spent quite a few nights sharing her furs. She knew he hadn't decided on either of them, and was trying her best to be the one he chose. 

"I'm going. I wouldn't miss it for the world." Folara added as she smiled at Ranec. Feeling self-conscious, she shrugged her shoulders and looked sheepishly around at her family. 

"I'm not looking forward to being in the cave all winter, and besides, I've only been to the Great Water's once, and I was so young then I barely remember!" 

Marthona smiled into her tea. "I remember that trip. You had just passed your 7th year. We brought back a whole lot of salt on that trip. It was all I could do to keep an eye on you. Everytime I turned around you were trying to go into the water to swim." 

"I'll go. I've never been on a big hunt before, or seen the Great Waters." Madenia added and smiled shyly at everyone before sipping more of her tea. 

"Great! I know we'll have fun, Denie" Ranec put his arm around her briefly and squeezed her shoulder. His look changed then, and he turned to Joharren. "How do the zelandonii hunt bison and other large animals? The Mamutoi sometimes make a surround, and we chase them inside. Once there, we close the opening. It takes a lot of time though, and we can't always get the animals to go into it. Other times we try and surround a herd, and on a signal everyone kills as many as they can." 

"We've used both those techniques, also. It all depends on where the animals are. If they're near the glacier, there isn't a lot of materials around there to make a surround though. Sometimes if the herd is near the mountains, we use them to block their path, with people closing in on the other 3 sides. There's also a place not too far from here in the limestone cliffs that's good to not only spot herds, but to trap them. It's where the river bends." 

Willomar stood and stretched, yawning loudly. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm beat!" He stood behind Marthona then, and gently rubbed her shoulders. "I think I'll just go to sleep." 

The others laughed as he leaned down and kissed Marthona's neck. 'Sleep' was the last thing he had on his mind. 

"I think we're all tired. We have a big day tomorrow with organizing the hunt, and possibly a trip to get salt. We'll have to take a lot of people." Joharren added as he stood and kissed his mother's cheek. 

Ayla and Jondalar both stood, each carrying a sleeping child. Ranec and Madenia stood to follow them. "Thank you for having us over, Marthona" Ayla added as she and Jondalar left the hearth. 

As Ranec started walking with Madenia, Folara took a deep breath. "Ranec?" 

He and Madenia both turned to face her, and she took a step forward as she gave him a winning smile. 

"Do you have to go? It really isn't *that* late, and I can think of some things we can 'talk' about." She used all her charms as she sauntered up to him. 

Ranec hesitated as he glanced over at Madenia. Folara touching his chest caused a shiver to go through him, directly to his manhood. It had been a while since they'd shared pleasures. "I..I could probably stay for a little while," he decided as his eyes took on a mischevious sparkle. 

Madenia looked down and away, not knowing why she felt the way that she did. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to herself, so she took a deep breath and tried to smile. 

"I'll see you in the morning." Madenia said as cheerfully as she could, then hurried off quickly before either could see the tears sting her eyes. What right did she have to feel this way, anyhow? It wasn't as if Ranec had made any type of commitment to her, or even said he liked her for that matter. Even men and women who were mated often shared furs with others at Mother's Festivals. 

Folara led Ranec to her sleeping platform, unaware that Zelandoni hadn't left the hearth yet. The older woman glanced in the direction Madenia had taken, then at the closed hides of Folara's sleeping place. Shaking her head, she stood and went to her own hearth to retire. 

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Madenia looked over her belongings and they lay on the sleeping platform. She really didn't own much. The beautiful outfit Ayla had given her, her spear-thrower Jondalar had made for her. Two travelling outfits. A necklass, an extra pair of boots. It was so different from her life at home. There she had beautiful furs and clothes, mats woven with intricate designs. She realized then that she hadn't woven with different grasses in over a year! 

After the attack, she had stopped doing everything. Her mother had to force her to even eat most of the time. All she had wanted to do was die. Though she started to feel better after Ayla's visit, she had stopped doing a lot of what she'd loved, and mostly it was because of fear. She didn't practice her bead work because she didn't want to have to set snares, and check them, for the hides. A shudder went through her as she realized that the last time she'd even checked a snare had been the day of the attack. 

The same for grasses. She had such a fear of being out there, alone, that she only collected what she needed to as a member of the cave, and always made sure that others were around. 

Well no more! Madenia took a deep breath and with determination, she packed everything she'd need. Everything she had, except for her eating knife and bowl for tomorrow's tea and breakfast. She was tired of living in fear. Sighing, Madenia's shoulders sagged as if the spirit had gone out of her. With perfect clarity and a touch of sadness, she realized she was simply tired of living. 

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Ayla noticed the other members from the cave eying Whinney and Racer. Well, they were eying the pole drag Whinney had. Though they had seen the horses carry kills back before, it was the first time they realized that the horses could also carry a persons traveling gear. Normally, Ayla and Jondalar would carry their own packs, but with each having a child, Tholiza with Ayla, and Wynic with Jondalar, it was easier to carry the extra things they needed with Whinney. Once the herd was found and they were ready to transport the meat back, then they would take packs for themselves. Racer would also use a pole drag then. 

Ayla shifted Tholiza, who was thankfully sleeping against her shoulder. The child seemed to be getting into everything lately, and all morning she'd been fussy. Ayla made her a mild calming tea when they stopped to rest and luckily it had the desired effect. 

"I'll take her for you if you'd like, Ayla." Madenia offered as she 

approached. 

"Thank you. She's getting very heavy, and I did see some plants I'd like to gather." 

Tholiza barely stirred as Madenia settled her on her shoulder. Ayla watched the tenderness between Madenia and Tholiza, and knew that the young woman would make a wonderful mother. Ayla sensed a change in Madenia, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She still looked tired, and somewhat ill, but there was a peace, no, a resignation about her that hadn't been there before. Ayla wasn't sure if the change was for the better. 

"How have you been feeling, Madenia?" Ayla asked as she took the woman's pack from her, placing it onto her own back. 

"Better. The tea you made for me helps." She shyly replied. 

"Are you still getting sick in the mornings?" Ayla pressed. 

Madenia shrugged, "Not as much. It's worse in the evenings." 

Ayla could sense Madenia's reluctance to talk about herself, but her instincts told her that she needed to press on. 

"Madenia, I know you haven't been sleeping well these past few weeks. You've been working so hard during the day helping the camp get ready for winter. If you keep pushing yourself like this I'm afraid you will end up very ill. When we stop this evening, I'd like to examine you if you'd let me." 

Madenia silently nodded and Ayla let out the breath she'd been holding. 

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The zelandonii were restless as they sat around many small fires to share the evening meal with friends and family. By tomorrow afternoon they would probably reach the herd, or where the herd last was seen. It wouldn't take them long then to plan the best way to hunt them, and they could hardly wait. 

Ayla sat before an older man, Riklovar, as she tended to the many insect bites he'd received using a medicated wash. She hadn't really talked to him before, but his mate, Garthina, was helping her to make clothes in the zelandonii style. By the time everyone had set up camp and made their evening meal, she'd treated almost half of the hunting party. 

Stretching, she left some of the wash with him, if he needed it, and showed him some plants that help to keep insects away when placed in the fire. Making her way to her own fire, Ayla smiled as she watched both Jondalar and Ranec on all fours, growling playfully at Wynic and Tholiza. The girl giggled with delight and would growl back as she jumped onto Jondalar's back, effectively 'killing' him as he flipped over and played dead. 

Madenia laughed with the rest of them, and Ayla was pleased to see her smile. She remembered though that she wanted to examine her as she approached. 

"Ayla! There you are. We were starting to wonder if you were going to come back to the fire at all tonight." Jondalar teased as he picked up Tholiza and swung her high over his head. The girl giggled and he kissed her before setting her down to go to her mother. 

Jondalar wrapped both arms around Ayla as he rubbed his cheek against hers in greeting, then kissed her. The kiss was meant to be brief, but she felt so good that he found himself deepening it as she melted against him. He felt his need for her grow, and forced himself to pull back, his eyes giving her a promise for later tonight. 

"I missed you, too." Ayla smiled as she gave him a chaste kiss and sat down by Madenia. Ranec handed her a bowl of stew and she smiled her thanks at him, not realizing how hungry she'd been. 

It wasn't until after everyone had eaten and they were sitting by the fire relaxing that Ayla focused her attention on Madenia again. 

"Madenia, I would like to examine you now, if you have no objections." Ayla stated, and saw the younger woman tense. 

"Are you not feeling well, Denie?" Ranec asked with a hint of concern as he studied her. He hadn't been around much since he'd been spending so much time at Marthona's hearth with Folara, and he found himself missing their conversations. He looked at her closely, but when she wouldn't meet his eyes, he turned to Ayla in a silent question. 

"I'm just a little tired. It's nothing really." Madenia replied as she continued to look into her tea. 

"Ayla says you've been working too hard, Madenia. I know the zelandonii appreciate all of your hard work, but you need to also take it easy sometimes." Jondalar gently chided. For weeks now Ayla had been telling him of her concerns for Madenia, and he had to admit she didn't look as well as she did at the beginning of summer. 

"I haven't done any more than anyone else." She defended, feeling awkward that so much attention was being paid to her. She'd feel so much better if everyone would just leave her alone. "Besides, I need to earn my keep." She lamely finished. 

Ayla sensed the defensiveness in her, and didn't want the moment to slip away. With so many people she could be called away to help someone. "If you'd like, we can go in my tent. That's where most of my medicine is, and it will also give us some privacy." Ayla stood and waited for Madenia to stand also. 

Relieved, Ayla quickly lit a small lamp and headed into the tent, followed by Madenia. 

The younger woman watched as Ayla lit another lamp from the flame of the first, then turn to smile at her. 

Bringing one of the lamps closer, Ayla used her fingers to open Madenia's eye a little more and checked both of them. Then she instructed Madenia to breath deep and Ayla smelled her breath. 

"Would you take your tunic off?" Ayla asked. 

Madenia frowned but slowly removed her tunic. 

"You can lay on my furs." 

Once Madenia was settled, Ayla slowly palpitated her abdomen in a small circular motion, followed by her breasts. "Tell me if you have any pain or tenderness." Ayla instructed, but she didn't need to confirm what her knowing hands had already determined. 

"My breasts are tender." Madenia offered, and tried to relax as Ayla's fingers pressed against her abdomen. 

"Have you been passing your water a lot?" Ayla asked, and when Madenia paused a moment to think, then nodded, Ayla had to hide her smile. "When was your last moontime?" 

Madenia shrugged as she stared at the wall of the tent. "I don't know." 

"You haven't been marking your moontimes in some way?" Ayla asked, puzzled. She thought all women marked their bleeding. 

"I've been too busy." 

"When was the last time you remember having your moontime?" 

Madenia thought hard. "I guess it was at the summer meeting, when we first arrived." 

"You can put your tunic back on." Ayla watched as Madenia sat up, then took a small pouch and started to fill it with different herbs she knew well. 

Madenia looked so withdrawn and sad, she hoped what she was going to tell her would make her happy. 

"These are some different medicine's I'd like you to take. Drink one cup of tea in the morning when you wake, and another before you go to sleep." 

When Madenia nodded, Ayla sat the pouch aside and took Madenia's hands in her own. "I believe that the Mother has blessed you, Madenia." 

The younger woman stared at Ayla blankly for a moment, not quite sure she understood what Ayla had said. 

"I'm going to have a baby?" She asked, her voice a high-pitched whisper. 

  
"I believe so. You have all the signs. It's still a little early to tell, but yes, I think by next spring you'll have a baby of your very own." 

Madenia let out a sob then hugged Ayla tightly. In between tears she managed to speak. "I've wanted to be blessed for so long, but I didn't think the Mother would ever--" her words caught in her throat and Ayla held her tightly, letting her cry. It was wonderful that she was finally getting some happiness, Ayla thought. Until she found she had been blessed with Durc, Broud had always made her miserable. Even when he wasn't forcing himself on her, Ayla would dread not knowing when he would. Perhaps a baby is just what Madenia needs to help her move on, Ayla thought. 

Ranec glanced at the tent a few times, both he and Jondalar could hear crying. His stomach churned with fear for Madenia. What had Ayla discovered? The two men's eyes met, and then they turned when the tent flap opened. 

Madenia was wiping her eyes with a soft piece of leather, but Ayla was smiling broadly which made him relax a little. 

Madenia straightened and realized that both Ranec and Jondalar were looking at her. She glanced at Ayla and smiled brighter. 

"Well?" Jondalar asked, puzzled at the strange turn of mood they both were in. 

Madenia ducked her head. "I'm fine." She hadn't wanted to tell anyone of the Mother's Blessing yet, and Ayla assured her that it was her decision to announce when she wanted to. 

Ranec breathed a sigh of relief and made room for Madenia as she sat down next to him. Sipping his tea, they all fell into a contented silence. Every time he'd glance at Madenia though, she had the broadest smile on her face. She was radiant. He felt a stirring in his manhood and when she looked in his direction, he couldn't help but smile in return. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

It didn't take long for the zelandonii to break camp. The sun had barely begun it's trek across the sky as Ranec stowed the last of Ayla's supplies on Whinney's travois. He didn't hear Folara approach and when he turned around, he had to step back lest he trip over her. 

"Folara! I didn't see you there. You should be careful or you'll end up getting trampled." Ranec smiled. 

Folara tossed her hair back and laughed as she met his dark eyes with her own vivid blue ones. "I missed you last evening. I thought you were going to come to our fire for tea." She lightly fingered the beads on his tunic, in the middle of his chest. 

Ranec gently caught her hand in his own. Folara was really a nice woman, and he liked spending time with her, but lately she seemed to be everywhere he turned. 

"I was tired from traveling and went to sleep early." He explained, though his words lacked conviction as his memory took him back to the events of last evening. Like old times, he and Madenia shared a tent, but this time he also shared her furs. 

She was so beautiful, and happy, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Ranec couldn't remember ever seeing Madenia more beautiful, not even during the mating ceremony, and then she looked like the Mother herself had placed her there just for him. She was breathtaking. When she responded eagerly to his kiss- a kiss given playfully with the laughter they'd been sharing- he was ready to show her the Mother's gift as fully as he could. Long after she fell asleep, half curled against him, he lay awake watching her, mesmerized by her beauty until the tiny lamp dimmed and went out. A beauty she'd kept hidden from all for so long. Her laughter alone could free his soul from whatever burden he might be experiencing. 

"Ranec!" 

"What?" He looked sheepishly at Folara. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not fully awake yet. What were you saying?" 

"I said, perhaps tonight you'd like to come by. I'm sure the hunt will be a success, and we could celebrate in our own way." Folara hinted as she looked eagerly into his eyes. 

Ranec's first instinct was to decline, and he shook his head getting ready to tell her no. She must have sensed his answer because she quickly reached up and pulling his head down, gave him a deep, passionate kiss. 

"Don't say no, Ranec." Folara breathed as she ended the kiss. "We'll honor the Mother as She should be honored. I was going to wait to tell you this, but I think the Mother's blessed me. I'm hoping it's of your spirit." She rushed on, a slight note of urgency in her voice. 

Ranec stared at her a moment, then smiled. "That's wonderful news, Folara. I'm sure even zelandonii men will be vying to share your hearth now! Not that you didn't have plenty of offers before." 

Folara's smile dropped a little, and she decided it was time to make her intentions known. "I don't want just any man, Ranec. I was hoping you'd want to share a hearth with me." 

Folara fidgeted uncomfortably as he studied her, and she felt herself close to tears. It wasn't the reaction she was expecting. "Say something." she pleaded. 

"I'm really happy for you, Folara. If Mut chooses to use my spirit for your baby then I would be honored. Any man would. But what could I possibly bring to your hearth? My people are far to the east. A years journey at least. I have nothing of value. No status here." 

"I don't care about your status, Ranec. I know we'd be happy together. I'm sure mother would approve. You could become zelandonii. Say you'll at least think about it? Our union would be lucky since I'm already blessed." 

Ranec knew how she felt. Knew better than most people ever would. Was it only a few summers ago he pleaded with Ayla to share a hearth with him? Why hadn't he seen how much Folara cared for him before? He did like spending time with her. She was funny, and very pleasing, but she wasn't what he was looking for. Yes, it was well past time that he settled down and took a mate. The problem was, since Ayla he could never bring himself to think of another woman that way. He'd truly given Ayla his heart, all of it, and she had no choice but to step on it as she walked away with the man *she* loved. Ranec could see the longing and tears in Folara's eyes, and knew he'd have to end this now. 

"I'm sorry, Folara. But I can't share a hearth with you. You're a wonderful woman and I always enjoy your company, but I don't want to mate with you." Ranec knew the hurt she was feeling and wanted to comfort her in some way. Before he could act on the impulse Folara turned and ran away from him. 

He continued to watch her go, causing others to look in her direction, until she disappeared behind some trees. It wasn't long before he saw Willomar go after her, knowing she'd have someone to talk to, he turned to pick up his pack and froze when he saw Ayla not too far away. She approached him them. 

"You heard." He stated flatly. 

Ayla nodded studied him as his eyes closed and he took a deep breath. "Was it this hard for you, when you turned me away?" He asked, the raw emotions Folara revived in him rising to the surface. The pain in his eyes was heartbreaking. 

"I never meant to hurt you. You know that." Ayla quietly answered. 

Ranec paused, then sighed again. "I know. I didn't mean to bring that up again. I just- I need some time to think about this." 

Ranec threw the strap of his pack on his shoulder and strode off. 

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ 

Ranec kicked at a stone as he brought up the rear of the hunting party. Except for a few people ahead of him, he was well out of sight of Folara, Marthona-who'd been comforting the young woman last he'd seen- and most of all, the stares of everyone in the hunting party. Did news have to travel that fast? He could only guess what everyone was thinking of him. 

The daughter of the former leader of the 9th Cave, sister to the leader of the 9th Cave. High status indeed, and he rejected her as if she'd been not worth his time. He truly did have feelings for Folara, and he probably could be happy with her. He kicked another rock in frustration. He was no closer now than he was this morning about what to do. If he went to her and told her that he'd changed his mind, he knew she'd still accept him. But how long would that last? With her being blessed even more men would be interested in her. 

Ranec was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't realize that Zelandoni had slowed down until she was now walking next to him. She didn't speak until she was certain that he realized she was there. 

"I suppose you've heard?" He asked, and when she nodded, he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. 

"Great. I bet there isn't anyone who doesn't know." He muttered. 

"She's upset, but she'll get over it. It is for the best if you don't love her to have told her now, instead of leading her on. I bet she's not the first heart that's been inadvertently broken by your charms." Zelandonii smiled, as she gave him a look that reminded him that she wasn't just Zelandonii, that she was a woman first. 

Ranec blushed again, but gave a small smile back. True, he normally did draw a lot of attention among the women. 

"I don't know how I feel." Ranec admitted. "I think, in my own way, I love her." He tried to explain. 

"But it isn't an overwhelming love." Zelandonii guessed. 

"I guess not." He admitted. 

They walked in silence for a few moments, then Zelandonii spoke again. "Not everyone who mates loves each other completely. There are some matings that are arranged by family members, or caves. Sometimes a woman will lose her mate or vice-versa, and they'll find another one for convenience sake. That doesn't mean they don't love each other, or won't learn to love each other. Sometimes those matings turn out to be the best ones." 

"So you think I should?" Ranec asked, hoping someone would tell him the right thing to do. 

"Only you can answer that question. Ask the Mother, she'll guide you just as she always has." 

Ranec frowned at the cryptic message. Why did Those Who Served always talk like that? Couldn't they just say what they meant once and for all? 

The group ahead was stopping and the two of them slowed down. "Unless, of course," Zelandonii added, a slight teasing note to her voice, "there is someone else who you'd like to give your heart to?" 

Ranec looked in the direction Zelandoni had, and caught a glimpse of golden  
hair as Ayla took something out of Whinney's pack basket with Madenia's  
help. "I already did, once. I don't think she ever gave it back."  


Zelandonii stopped as Ranec continued to walk on, lost in his own thoughts. She glanced at the blond woman who'd brought so much happiness and heartache with her, and then at Madenia. She was reminded of a song-chant she'd learned as a little girl. 

_'The Mother's great heart   
brought forth a new creature  
One that she gave  
some of her features._

_They'd laugh and they'd cry  
know joy and know loss.  
The chosen of Her  
to bear a great cross._

_She knew there'd be times  
when they needed more  
To help with the struggle  
more She brought forth._

_She gave Seasons of Joy  
so their heart's would know love  
Like the new birth of Spring  
Promised from above._

_Then knowing all creatures  
needed Her in their life  
She gave Seasons of Hope  
to push through the strife_. 

_But She knew nothing lasts  
Save her love for them all  
She knew heartache they'd find  
When they'd trip and fall_

_To help with the grief  
She'd give new tomorrows  
to help them get through  
their Seasons of Sorrow._


	2. Seasons of Sorrow Part 2

Seasons of Sorrow Part 2  
(Note: if you'd like to receive timlier updates, please email me to be added to the mailing list).

Tired as they were from a long day of hunting, then butchering the animals, the zelandonii were in excellent spirits and the air held a distinct quality of celebration.  
  
The hunt had been more successful than they'd anticipated, and all were impressed with how the spear-throwers allowed Jondalar, Ayla and Ranec to cast from a safer distance. What awed them the most though, was how the horses helped with the hunt. Not only did they help to drive them into the surround, but from the vantage point of being on horseback, they were able to get better positioning to cast their spears, and to see more of what was going on around them. It was the first time they'd truly realized the full potential of the animals. Even the wolf had helped in the hunt.  
  
Many were already thinking of ways they could capture horses of their own as they gossiped amongst themselves while butchering. The zelandonii had enough new stories from this hunt alone to keep them entertained throughout the long winter months ahead.  
  
Ayla smiled as she handed Jondalar a cup of tea. He groaned as he sat down beside her, and gave her a kiss before taking the cup. Taking a long sip, he sighed as he wrapped an arm around her. "Thank you, woman. That's exactly what I needed."  
  
"That's all?" she hinted with a mischievous glint in her eye. Jondalar felt his body respond immediately, and his voice became husky with need.  
  
"Are you offering more?" he teased as he bent his head to kiss her again, taking his time to explore her mouth expertly.  
  
When he finally pulled back, he was pleased to see the same hunger reflected in her eyes. He looked around to see where they could go to find a private spot. They'd set up their tent but he wanted something more private.  
Many fires had been lit around the parameter to keep predators away from the meat and the area was brightly lit. They weren't far from a stream, but  
Jondalar knew they wouldn't be the only ones to use it. As if sensing his  
thoughts, Ayla spoke.  
  
"If we walked further downstream we should be able to find a quiet place to urselves."  
  
Jondalar smiled at her and nodded. "Let's go." He stood and helped her up, and couldn't resist taking her into his arms and pressing her to him as he  
kissed her fully. "Oh, Doni. Do you have any idea what you do to me, Ayla?"  
  
Ayla smiled at him, shyly. "I think it's the same thing you do to me."  
  
Jondalar grabbed his spear-thrower and the two of them headed towards the stream with Wolf at their heels.  
  
  
  
Madenia covered Tholiza with a fur as she settled down beside Wynic. She couldn't help but wonder what her child would look like as she protectively held her abdomen. By Spring she'd have her own baby to hold and take care of. To love. It seemed so long from now! She wished her baby was already here.  
  
Her thoughts wandered as she realized that she needed to start planning for the birth. She'd need soft skins to make baby clothes and wraps. Packing for the baby's waste, and that was just for starters! With a sinking feeling, Madenia realized that she wouldn't have the means to provide for her child alone. If she was still with her own people she wouldn't have to worry about it at all, she realized.  
  
Her mother had wanted grandchildren forever. She and the rest of the cave could make certain she'd have everything she'd need. Babies were a gift from the Mother and everyone in the cave took part in raising and spoiling them.  
  
The zelandonii had been gracious enough to her, but she couldn't expect them to continue to provide for her and her baby. Anxiety built up inside her and she felt nauseous. She crawled out of the small tent and ran towards the woods before becoming ill.  
  
  
  
  
Ranec was walking towards the tents that he and Jondalar had set up earlier when he saw Madenia run from one. She seemed quite upset and he called out after her but she didn't seem to hear him. Wondering what was wrong, he decided to follow her.  
  
Once away from the light of the fires it was difficult to see. He paused at the edge of the darkened woods, then heard rustling off to his left.  
Following the sound he realized as he neared that she was ill. His heart  
lurched with concern for her. There was something wrong! He knew he should have trusted his instincts when Ayla examined Madenia, and pressed for answers.  
  
The same thing that stopped him then made him hesitate now. It wasn't his place to confront her. If she wanted to tell him she would have. The other  
part of him argued that she was his friend. A good friend. And he had every  
right to be concerned about her well being.  
  
Ranec realized that the bond he shared with Madenia was partly because of the time they spent traveling together, and partly because they were both strangers among the zelandonii. Neither of them had a home.  
  
The heaving stopped and Ranec could here crying take its place. Knowing he couldn't walk away, he slowly started towards the sound. When he found Madenia, she was sitting on the ground leaning on a tree stump, her face buried in her arms. All he wanted to do at that moment was take away the pain she was feeling.  
  
Before he knew how he got there, he was kneeling at her side. She started as he placed strong arms around her, pulling her to him. Once her initial shock wore off, she turned and buried her head into his chest as she continued to cry.  
  
Ranec soothed her hair as he gently rocked her. He couldn't tell her  
everything would be all right, because he didn't know what was wrong. The  
only thing he knew is that he'd gladly give the Mother everything he  
possessed if She would take away Madenia's sorrow.  
  
After she quieted down Ranec continued to hold Madenia just for the sake of it. She didn't stir and when he felt her relax against his body, he let out a breath he'd been holding. He wasn't exactly sure what her reaction would be. After all, she had come out to the woods to be, he assumed, alone.  
  
Hearing Madenia continue to sniff, Ranec shifted his weight and pulled out a small soft piece of leather. He handed it to Madenia and at first she smiled as she wiped her eyes and nose, but then she looked at the tiny piece of leather as if seeing it for the first time and started crying quietly again.  
  
"Denie, please tell me what has you so upset. If I can help you, I will."  
Ranec quietly asked. When she didn't answer he felt the knot twist in the  
gut of his stomach and had to ask. "Are you." he took a breath and tried  
again. "I know Ayla said you were fine, but just now."  
  
Madenia shook her head and looked up at him. She was touched deeply by his caring concern. For a moment, she allowed herself to imagine what it would be like sharing a hearth with the dark man. He was the only man since the attack, besides Jondalar, that she found she was totally comfortable with.  
He was someone she. trusted. The thought amazed and stunned her. It had never occurred to her to trust him. Not just him, she bitterly reminded  
herself, but any man. They couldn't be trusted. Not deep down.  
  
Madenia bit her lower lip as she wondered whether or not to confide in him. Part of her was screaming to walk away. To just get up and walk away. Trust no man. The other part of her looked into his troubled eyes and before she knew it, she was talking.  
  
"No." her voice sounded hoarse to her ears. "No, Ranec. I'm not sick. At least, not the way that you think. I've been blessed." She felt the tears  
threaten again at the confession and ducked her head down again, into the  
safety of his chest.   
  
Ranec stared at her, dumbfounded. Blessed? Denie was going to have a baby? He looked down at the top of her head and gave her a squeeze, then kissed her hair. "That's wonderful news, Denie! Why didn't you tell us?"  
  
Madenia shook her head and didn't look up when she answered. Her words were muffled and he had to strain to hear them.  
  
"I am happy. But I don't know what to do. I have no where to go. The  
zelandonii aren't my people. How will I take care of a baby? I don't have  
any family to help me. I don't even have what I need for supplies. They've  
been nice enough to let me stay here, but for how long? I can't ask them to  
take care of me and a baby."  
  
Ranec's throat constricted as her fears tumbled out one by one. He knew that she didn't feel totally comfortable among the zelandonii. There were times he didn't either. He knew what it was like to be so far away from  
everyone he ever knew. Everyone he had ever loved.  
  
The journey to the Poterian's had been a hard one. He took many chances he shouldn't have, hoping the Mother would call him home and end his misery.  
Then, when he finally reached his mother's people he was different. He never did fit in. The only people who treated him openly and warmly were Gandar and Karpin. Yes, he knew too well what Madenia was feeling. To have the responsibility of being blessed, in addition to the turmoil of their  
temporary living conditions, it was no wonder she'd been miserable.  
  
He took a deep breath and was about to tell her that she needn't worry. That as long as he was around he'd make sure, somehow, that she and her baby were taken care of. Before he could utter a word though, she spoke.  
  
"The only thing I can think to do, is find a zelandonii man who would want to mate with me. That way I can have a permanent home and someone who can provide for us." _But I don't want to_, she almost cried out, barely stopping herself in time. It really was the only solution. She had to put childish fantasies aside. Instead she rambled on, unaware that Ranec's body had gone rigid. 

  
"If I mate, then I'd also be considered zelandonii. I would be able to stay near Ayla and Jondalar." _and you too_, she silently added. "It's the only  
thing I can think of. Well, except..." 

Madenia caught herself before she embarrassed herself and told him of her other plan. The one she'd had for awhile now. The one that appealed to her more than mating with a man.  
  
  
Ranec felt himself sink into a deeper misery than he'd known for quite some time. He wasn't quite sure why, but when Madenia spoke of mating with someone, anyone, as long as he were zelandonii, he had an overwhelming urge to carry her off with him. Tell her that there'd be no need because he was here.  
  
Instead, he sat silently as she talked, his despair running deeper. Even if she were interested in him, in that way, what would he have to offer her? He had nothing to meet a bride price with. He had no home to offer her. At  
least, not one that wasn't a year's journey away.  
  
He briefly thought of taking her to the Poterians, but knew that wasn't an option. Though the wars had recently ended-and he hoped they hadn't started again-he wouldn't put her in the same danger that caused his mother to be taken from him, and almost cost Ayla her life.  
  
Another thought struck him as he looked at her wrapped around his chest, feeling so right. 'She deserved someone who loved her'. He knew he could offer her protection, but love? He shook his head sadly. He hadn't been able to love anyone since...since Ayla. 

She was the Mother incarnate. The perfect woman. Yes, he'd finally accepted the fact that he'd only ever be a friend to her, and because of her here he was, with the zelandonii. How could he ever trust another woman with his heart again?  
  
No, he knew she was right. The only thing she could do would be find a zelandonii man to join with her. Someone to provide for her and give her what he couldn't. Even as he made the thought though, a possessive emotion, strong and raw, caused him to hold her a little tighter. There was no other way though, he argued with himself. Except.  
  
Ranec was startled out of his thoughts by her choice of words._ There was an out_. He gleefully thought. "Except what, Denie?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly. She didn't seem to notice.  
  
Madenia shook her head. "Never mind, it's silly."  
  
He pushed her back gently so he could look into her eyes. "Let me decide if it's silly. Tell me."  
  
Madenia shrugged and looked down. She glanced up at him shyly. "I was thinking that I could find a valley to live in, like Ayla did. Maybe I could  
find some animals to keep me company. That way I'd have a place of my own, and not have to mate someone I didn't..."   
She stopped herself before saying 'trust'. She wasn't ready to admit that to anyone. Charoli had taken everything else from her, she wouldn't allow anyone to see how scarred she still was.  
"...care about." she finished lamely. She sat up then and took his hands as if to convince him through her touch. "It would be perfect, Ranec. I was  
thinking that when we go to the Great Waters I could look for a place along  
the way. I'm sure I can find something."  
  
Ranec stared at her not quite knowing what to say. She seemed so excited about the idea, he knew she had to have put a lot of thought into it. He wasn't sure which would make him more miserable. Having her stay and see her join with someone else, or her leaving, where he'd never get to see her and make sure she was all right.  
  
When she stopped talking he shook his head. "Denie, it's dangerous living alone. Anything could happen to you. You'll need other women around when it's time to give birth. Look at what happened to Ayla? She almost died,  
Denie!" He implored. "It's late in the season. How would you gather enough  
to survive the winter? It was difficult enough with the four of us. Even when I was on my journey alone there were times I almost didn't survive."  
  
Even though he knew she couldn't go out on her own, his heart felt as if it were breaking with the thought of what he had to do.  
  
"I'll help you find a zelandonii man to mate with." He quietly offered.  
"Someone who has high status and can provide for you and the baby. With all the attention you were receiving at the Summer Meeting, it won't be too  
difficult to find someone to join with you. Especially since you've been  
blessed." But he will love her, Ranec silently vowed. She deserves at least  
that much.  
  
Madenia sat back on her heels, the sadness returning in her eyes. After a long moment she spoke. "I suppose you're right." She mumbled, feeling trapped all over again. Still, she decided to keep a look out for a place of her own while they traveled. Who knew? Perhaps she'd find something suitable, then she could sneak away when everyone was asleep. At least it was better than the alternative. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ayla could tell something was terribly wrong with Ranec and Madenia, Both seemed sad and agitated. She knew something had transpired between the two of them, but she didn't know what. 

Ayla walked slowly with Whinney at her shoulder. Jondalar was at the head of the line guiding Racer, with Joharren and Willomar. Madenia was holding Wynic and Ranec had Tholiza. 

Marthona had decided it would be best if she and Folara returned to the 9th cave, and Zelandoni too, decided not to come. The only other people from the cave that came were Riklomar who was mated to Tamora and the brother of Riklovar, and Rickolan, his son who was just old enough to have a Donii woman this summer. 

The latter two seemed to have high spirits, unaware of the silent drama unfolding around them. As a matter of fact, Ayla observed, Rickolan seemed to be taken by Madenia and since they'd started out was always hovering around her. 

By the time the group decided to camp for the evening, it was almost dark. The horses did allow them to travel faster than normal, and since they'd just had a successful hunt, they didn't have to worry about trying to find meat for dinner. 

Ayla pulled a piece of meat that was wrapped in leaves out of the fire and started serving it with the vegetables she'd cooked. Madenia helped by pouring tea for the small party. 

Joharren sat back with a sigh as he looked around at his family and friends. When he saw Jondalar look at him questioningly, he shrugged. "It doesn't get any better than this." 

"How so?" Willomar asked as he thanked Madenia for the tea. 

"Well, the drought seems to be ending. The zelandonii have had a successful hunt and unless this winter lingers unusually long, we should be fine until spring. There have been three births this past season and no sickness. Our cave has also added Ayla, who has done so much for us, and my brother has returned home. The Mother is smiling on us." He finished, satisfied. 

Ayla blushed at the unaccustomed praise. She didn't think she'd done anything more or less than anyone else in the cave. Zelandoni was still the main healer. Most of the cave didn't even ask for her help, unless the First told them to seek her guidance. She knew she still had much to prove before she'd be totally accepted as one of them. 

"Yes, She is watching over us. And you're right, we've been blessed by so many different things this past turning of the seasons." Willomar agreed as he smiled at Madenia and Ranec. 

Rickolan leaned forward, wanting to speak. He'd been somewhat shy around the leader of the cave and the strangers. It was an honor indeed to be included on a trip with the leader and his family. Even the foreign man was fascinating. 

When his mother's mate had asked him if he'd want to go see the Great Waters, he jumped at the chance. He was young to make a journey, but something in his blood called to him in his dreams. This is what he wanted. Knowing he may never have another chance to speak in such a setting he couldn't help himself. 

"What's it like to be on a long journey?" He asked Ranec expectantly. "Is it true your people live far to the east? A years journey away?" 

Ranec had been lost in thought and it took him a moment to realize the young man was speaking to him. "Yes. My mother's mate, Wymez, is Mamutoi, and that's where I was brought up. In his youth he made a long journey far to the west, then across the narrow straights to the south of zelandonii territory. There he found the Arterians, my mother's people. There were some problems with neighboring caves and he and my mother decided to leave. I was only a baby at the time." 

"On the journey back to the Mamutoi, there was an accident and..." His voice choked up and he had to clear his throat. "My mother didn't make it. When Wymez returned home he'd been gone ten years." 

Ayla and Jondalar exchanged a look. It wasn't like Ranec to chop off a story. He'd always been a good story teller, and enjoyed sharing what he knew. This story was simply a telling of facts. He hadn't tried to entertain his listeners at all. Something was really bothering their friend. 

Rickolen sat amazed. He had more questions now than before. Why was the dark man with the zelandonii? Was he going to return home? If so, maybe he'd be old enough to travel with him. After all, it was well known now that Jondalar and Thonolan had made it to the end of the Great Mother River and beyond. He imagined himself making such a journey. 

"Do you miss them?" Ricklomar asked Ranec as he eyed the son of his hearth. Though not many young men left on long journeys, he had a feeling that Rickolen would be one of the few who did and didn't like the idea. He himself hadn't really traveled too much. 

When Joharren asked if any of them wanted to go to the Great Waters, he'd agreed hoping Rickolen would change his mind about a journey after speaking with those who'd already accomplished that fete. 

A dull ache settled in Ranec's heart at the question and when he answered, no one doubted that it was sincere, not an embellishment of sorts. 

"Very much. I wonder how Nezzie's doing, and Wymez. Talut, everyone." 

Joharren spoke. "How long do you think you'll stay with us before you head back?" 

The question startled him. More was being said than what was asked. He was a visitor of the 9th cave of the zelandonii. Nothing more. Of course they wouldn't kick him out, but eventually he would have to leave. The thought hadn't occurred for himself. Not even when Madenia was speaking of her leaving. So much had happened to him these past few years. He just never imagined not being around Ayla now. 

Jondalar and Ayla looked at each other and he could tell what she was feeling as if she'd spoken out loud. He had to speak up for Ranec. Ayla cast a discrete glance at Madenia and he nodded. He had to stand up for both of them. 

"Let's not talk about journeys now." Jondalar cut in before Ranec could answer. "Winter will soon be here and that's a whole season before anyone can travel. Who knows? Maybe by next summer Ranec and Madenia will decided to become zelandonii." 

"I agree. For now, the only journey I'm thinking about is seeing the Great Waters." Willomar added heartily as he looked at those around the fire. 

Rickolan, not to be deterred, pressed on. "When you do go, Ranec. Maybe I could go with you? I would like to see the land of the Mamutoi." 

Ricklomar clasped a hand on the young man's shoulder. "There's plenty of time for that later. We have a long day tomorrow, let's get some sleep." 

Reluctantly, Rickolan said goodnight to everyone and followed Ricklomar into the small tent they shared. Everyone took that as a sign to turn in. Joharren and Willomar had decided to share a tent and so did Ranec and Madenia. Wolf followed the couple into their tent. 

After Ayla checked on Whinney and Racer, she crawled into the double tent she shared with Jondalar and the children. 

Once she and Jondalar were settled, and the furs drawn around their naked bodies, Ayla sighed. Jondalar could tell she was distracted as he nibbled lightly at her neck and decided to simply hold her instead. 

"Things are changing." Ayla stated at last without inflection. 

Jondalar shifted to see her face better in the light of the small lamp. "In what way?" he asked. 

Ayla thought for a moment. It was difficult to explain. She just had a feeling that something was going to happen sometime soon. It was like a changing of the seasons. Before the first leaves start to turn you can smell it on the air. 

"I'm worried about Ranec and Madenia. Neither of them is happy here." 

Jondalar's arm was wrapped around Ayla, and his fingers lightly brushed her upper arm in a lazy pattern as he listened. 

"What makes you think they're not happy?" 

"It's just a feeling. Did you see the look on Ranec's face when Joharren asked him when he was leaving? Where would he go, Jondalar? The Mamutoi live so far away. And I don't think he wants to go back to the Poterians." 

"I don't know, Ayla. I don't think Joharren would ever kick him out though." Jondalar tried to assure her. 

"But he's never asked either of them if they wanted to become zelandonii either." She countered. 

Jondalar was silent for a long moment. "Not everyone who stays with the zelandonii is adopted, Ayla. There are a few people in other caves who visited for years without being adopted. They were still considered part of the cave and treated the same." 

"But it isn't the same, is it? If they were zelandonii they'd have the protection of all the zelandonii no matter where they were at. Madenia would be able to have her child counted among the zelandonii when it's born." 

Jondalar sat up on one elbow and looked down at Ayla surprised. "Madenia's blessed?" 

Ayla nodded. "She doesn't want anyone to know yet. I think she's worried about not having a home of her own for when the baby's born." 

"It's wonderful that she's been blessed! Joharren would never make her leave, especially if she's with child. I'm sure there will be more than enough zelandonii men who would love to mate with her. Even though she's Losandonii her status would still be recognized." 

Ayla shook her head. "There's more to it than that. I think she is in love with someone already." 

Jondalar was truly puzzled now. "Who?" 

Ayla looked sadly at him. "I think she loves Ranec." 

Jondalar laid back down beside Ayla, dumb struck. He knew they got along well, but she loved him? For a second he wondered if Ayla was wrong, but knowing her, he doubted it. After a moment, a broad smile crept over his face. 

"That's perfect. They would make a good couple." 

Ayla nodded. "I think so too. So does Zelandoni. I think Ranec is in love with her also, but they don't seem to see it." 

Jondalar shrugged. "They could just tell each other and be done with it. It's simple." 

Now Ayla leaned over on her elbow and gave him a rueful smile. "Like we did when we were with the Mamutoi?" she quietly asked. 

Jondalar was reminded about the pain they'd both went through that winter. Looking back, he could see how everything would have been solved if he'd just told Ayla how he felt about her, but those three little words proved to be the most difficult thing in the world to say. 

"So, what should we do?" he asked as he watched her troubled eyes gaze down at him. 

"There's nothing we can do, Jondalar. They have to work it out on their own, like we did. The Mother must have a reason for testing them." 

Jondalar's throat constricted as he thought of how he'd almost lost Ayla. He reached up a hand and gently caressed her cheek. He could tell she was feeling the same sense of helplessness as himself, not only for Ranec and Madenia, but for the loss of each other that almost happened. 

She leaned towards him and they joined together in a frenzy. Demanding, needing, trying to reassure each other that they would always be together. Their climax washed across them in wonderful spasms until they collapsed, sated. Ayla laid against his chest listening to his heartbeat steadying, as they finally fell into an exhausted slumber. 


	3. Seasons of Sorrow Part 3

Note: As I no longer post at all to the AuelBoard, if there are any readers who frequent the board and would like to notify the others that I've updated this webpage, you have my permission. 

For those on the mailing list, a new part should be arriving soon. Thanks for being so patient. 

Thanks! 

zzzaney 

###################### 

Long before she could see the water, Ayla knew they were close. The air had  
a salty smell that brought back memories of the peninsula on Beren Sea. An  
unbidden image of her son caused her to draw a shaky breath. Would she ever  
be able to think of him without the pain and longing that gripped her heart?  
  
The sun was almost at it's highest point in the sky and despite the shade  
they traveled through, Ayla felt hot. It was muggy, humid. The season had  
been changing, it was getting cooler, but the Mother wasn't ready to let the  
small death of winter take over yet. She was still fighting her battle and  
had some strength left. Ayla wished she was wearing her short summer pants.  
  
Jondalar smiled as he glanced back at Ayla. He remembered this part of the  
journey when he came to the Great Waters before. Joharren and Willomar,  
along with Riklomar were also smiling. Just as they'd neared what appeared  
to be the edge of the forest, all three of the men guided Ayla, Ranec,  
Madenia and Rickolan to the front of the line. They smiled as the four got  
their first glimpse of the Great Waters that were endless.  
  
Ayla couldn't breathe. She'd never seen anything like it. Ever. Not even  
Beren Sea was this big! At least there she could make out land on the other  
side on clear days. Tholiza shifted as if to get away from the arms holding  
her ,but Ayla held tightly to her as she edged closer to the lip of the rock  
face they were on. The water below them crashed against rocks and sand as  
the roar of the great expanse called out to them in greeting.  
  
She watched the birds, seagulls, fly out over the water, then come back to  
land on the sand. The sky was a vivid, crystal blue that magnified the color  
of the Great Waters ten fold.  
  
Ayla couldn't tear her eyes away from the beauty before her. She felt  
Jondalar come up behind her and wrap his arms around her from behind. She  
finally looked back at him as she took a deep breath.  
  
"Oh, Jondalar. It's beautiful. I've never seen anything this beautiful in my  
life." She whispered, still in awe.  
  
Ayla looked at Willomar and Joharren, both looked pleased with the reaction  
of the newcomers. When she looked at Ranec, he was holding Madenia as they  
both stared straight ahead.  
  
After a few minutes, when Jondalar was sure they had a chance to appreciate  
the Mother's gift in all its beauty, he cleared his throat.  
"I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't wait to get down there and  
cool off. Who's up for a swim?" he good humoredly asked.  
  
"I certainly am!" Joharren boomed as he picked his pack up and started  
towards an over grown path led down to the water's edge.  
  
Rickolan seemed to snap out of his daze then, and excitedly hurried after  
the leader of the cave as only a youth could.  
  
Both Ayla and Jondalar followed at a slower pace, picking a path that would  
be best for the horses. Wolf ran ahead of everyone, and was already below  
chasing birds as they scattered into panicked flight.  
  
Ayla laughed as she splashed into the water, holding Tholiza tightly. At  
first the little girl clung to her mother, afraid of the water that seemed  
to jump up at her.  
  
"Don't be afraid, Tholiza. The water won't hurt you." Ayla assured her as  
she sank to her knees in the water. Tholiza sucked in a breath as the water  
lapped around her, and Ayla wasn't sure if she would cry or not. After a  
moment, Tholiza stuck a brave hand downward into the water, watching as it  
crashed over her fingers to disappear back again.  
  
Around Ayla, everyone was laughing and running into the water, shouting with  
joy. She couldn't help but to laugh with them, relishing the sounds. Growing  
up with the Clan, laughter was something she had to do in private. She still  
marveled at the joy and wonder laughter caused. Ayla knew that her children  
would have much laughter in their lives. She'd make certain of it.  
  
Jondalar and Joharren were splashing each other as Willomar waded nearby,  
taking his time getting used to the water temperature. Ayla watched as the  
brothers seemed to have an unspoken signal, then both converged on Willomar  
dunking him under the water.  
  
Even Wolf, Whinney and Racer had decided to venture into the water a little  
farther down.  
  
When they surfaced, all three men were smiling broadly. Rickolan was busy  
doing the same thing to the man of his hearth and Ranec. The older men made  
little work of lifting him up and tossing him into the water again and  
again. Ayla realized that she didn't see Madenia in the water, and glanced  
around the beach to find her holding Wynic as she stared into ocean.  
  
"Madenia, aren't you going to get in?" Ayla asked the girl as she settled  
Tholiza near the edge of the water.  
  
Madenia shyly approached Ayla, and the older woman could tell something was  
bothering her. When she was close enough to speak privately with Ayla so no  
one would overhear, she spoke.  
  
"I want to, but." Madenia bit her lip and looked out at the men again. Ayla  
waited for her to finish. "I don't want to take my clothes off."  
  
Ayla understood more than what Madenia was saying. It hadn't really occurred  
to her before, but the entire time they'd been traveling, and then staying  
with the zelandonii, Ayla hadn't seen Madenia take her clothes off except to  
bathe, and even then it had only been her and Madenia. She noted the  
stiffness of the young woman as she watched the men, naked, carrying on in  
the water.  
  
Men and women didn't place much importance on changing in front of one  
another. There were even many ceremonies that required the participants not  
be clothed, even among the Losadunai. Ayla knew Madenia's fears stemmed from  
her attack long ago and wished there was some way to make the woman feel  
more comfortable. She knew with the sun beating down on them Madenia had to  
be hot.  
  
Ayla stood. "Will you watch Tholiza for me?" When Madenia nodded, Ayla  
hurried over to where they'd left the pole drag and quickly threw on her  
traveling clothes. When she returned, she smiled at the young woman.  
  
"Why don't we go in together?"  
  
Madenia didn't look convinced. "You'll get your clothes all wet."  
  
"They needed to be washed anyway. Come on. Here, I'll hold Wynic."  
  
Ayla took the baby and waded in by Tholiza again. Picking up the girl, she  
went in until she was thigh deep before sinking into the water. Wynic did  
cry, not liking the cold sensation of the water just as he was getting ready  
to fall asleep. Ayla crooned to him as Madenia ran her hands into the water,  
then bent to pick up a shell.  
  
She'd never seen anything like it, except on a tunic a long time ago. She  
had wondered what kind of rock it was to have ridges and be concave. Before  
long, Madenia dunked under the water completely and came up smiling. Ayla  
was glad to see her relax.  
  
"Madenia! Come over here! It's great!" Rickolan shouted happily as he waved  
at Madenia. He was farther out than before, with only his head visible. Ayla  
wanted to warn him to not go out so far, but Ricklomar was already heading  
in his direction.  
  
The shouting caused Ranec to look in their direction, and Ayla noticed how  
his smile seemed to get brighter as he started to swim towards Madenia. As  
he neared her, he ducked under the water.  
  
Madenia had also seen him approach, and now looked around wondering where he  
went. She let out a start as he surfaced two feet in front of her.  
  
If he wondered why she was in the water fully clothed, he didn't mention it.  
When he stood up, Madenia couldn't help but to stare at his broad chest and  
blushed slightly. Taking her hands in his, he slowly moved backwards pulling  
her into the deeper water.  
  
Ayla looked around then and noticed Jondalar walking out of the water to  
her. He looked like a sea spirit as the water glistened off his tanned body  
in the sunlight, matching the color of his hair. Her eyes traveled downward  
and her lips parted as she saw his manhood start to stir. By the time he sat  
beside her she was ready for him.  
  
Jondalar took Tholiza from her and kissed the girl, before kissing her  
mother. "If you keep looking at me like that, I'll have to drag you into the  
water and share pleasures with you." he murmured into her ear, causing a  
tingle to go through her.  
"But you're wearing far to many clothes. Why are you sitting in the water  
with your clothes on anyway?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.  
  
"It's a long story. But I do like the idea of going for a 'swim'." Ayla  
smiled at him. Wynic started to cry again and Ayla looked apologetically at  
him as she lifted her tunic and bared a breast. It didn't take long for the  
babe to stop fussing.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The evening brought a cool breeze that kept insects at bay as the small  
group relaxed by the fire. For their dinner they'd managed to net fish, and  
crabs. Joharren and Willomar surprised everyone when they returned from a  
walk with clams, and then admitted that there was a wonderful area to  
collect them around a bend south of where they were camped.  
  
Madenia was sitting in-between Rickolan and Ranec, laughing at a joke  
Rickolan was telling. Ayla could tell that Ranec, though he seemed to be  
enjoying himself, was tense. She knew it probably had to do with the  
attention that Madenia was paying to the young man.  
  
Jondalar, as if sensing her thoughts, leaned towards her and whispered in  
her ear. "He's too young for Madenia. He only had a Donii woman this past  
summer. But I do understand how Ranec feels."  
  
Ayla nodded and tried to focus on the conversation Riklomar and Joharren  
were having. Out of the corner of her eye she spied Wolf, and had to smile  
at the way he bound up and down the beach, shaking something in his mouth.  
Whatever it was, he'd toss it into the air, wait for it to fall, then pick  
it up again and run with it. Racer also started to get into the play and  
Wolf and Racer started to chase each other across the beach.  
  
Just as the group was getting ready to turn in for the night, Wolf trotted  
into the light of the fire, wet and covered in sand. Ayla shook her head at  
the animal.  
  
"Wolf! You are not going to come into the tent like that." The animal  
dropped its prize at her feet and hunkered down, whining. He knew she wasn't  
pleased with him.  
  
"What's he got there?" Willomar asked as Jondalar reached over and picked it  
up from where the wolf had dropped it.  
  
"It's a knife." Jondalar examined the blade and handle for the craftsman  
ship. It was second nature for him to do so. The blade, though it had a  
large chip in it, was of excellent quality. He ran a finger along the flat  
side of it. "This looks like Dalanar or Joplaya could have made the blade."  
  
"I wonder who would have left a knife out here? Whoever owned it must have  
dropped it by mistake." Joharren suggested.  
  
"I'm not sure. There's a large chip in the blade, but it could still be  
fixed by a flint knapper with great skill. If Dalanar did make the blade  
then he would have been able to fix it."  
  
Riklomar shrugged. "The Lanzadonii aren't close to the Great Waters. Perhaps  
it was traded for and the owner decided not to keep it once it was flawed."  
  
Jondalar studied the handle which had been carved out with intricate details  
of animals. "I guess. But look at this handle," he handed it to Joharren who  
was sitting closest to him. "It's also very well made. I can't see someone  
just tossing it out, another blade could always be hefted onto it."  
The knife was passed around so everyone could look at it. Willomar frowned.  
"The carving looks familiar. I don't know whose sign this is though."  
  
All zelandonii had a habit or marking their tools and weapons so it would be  
more easily identifiable in case it got lost or if during a hunt more than  
one spear struck an animal.  
  
When Ayla held the knife she felt a cold shudder move through her and  
goose-bumps cover her arms. When she studied the pattern on the handle, she  
also felt as if she'd seen it somewhere before. "Maybe we should take it  
back with us. Perhaps the owner simply lost it. I know I'd want to have a  
knife that so much attention went into."  
  
Jondalar nodded in agreement. "He must have traded a lot to get such fine  
quality. I'll see tomorrow if I can fix the damaged area."  
  
"I wonder where the wolf found it? Do you think there are other zelandonii  
camping near by?" Riklomar asked.  
  
Willomar shook his head. "It's possible. But normally this area is where  
most of us collect salt from."  
  
"I think Whinney, Racer and Wolf would have told us if anyone else was near  
by. But I would like to take a look around tomorrow just in case." Ayla  
added as she stood and stretched.  
  
"We're going to have a busy day tomorrow getting the salt from the water.  
Perhaps all of us should turn in." Joharren suggested as he tossed the last  
of his tea into the fire and stood.  
  
It didn't take long for the small group to settle in for the night as they  
listened to the sound of waves lapping against the shore.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Madenia picked her way up the hill, the prickly brush sticking to her  
trousers. They had been at the Great Water's edge for the past three days,  
and they'd been so busy drawing salt from the water that she'd barely had  
any time to look around on her own for a suitable place to winter. Her  
stomach did flip-flops at the thought of leaving Ayla, Ranec and Jondalar,  
but she didn't think she'd be able to stand spending and entire winter  
trapped in a cave with the zelandonii. The prospect of finding a mate didn't  
make her anxious for the winter season either.  
  
She assumed that she'd hidden her desires from Ayla and Jondalar and  
wished, not for the first time, that she'd never told Ranec of her plan.  
Since they'd arrived, she couldn't seem to get away from the man. Every time  
she went to explore on her own, he was right there, watching her like a  
hawk. Madenia found herself getting frustrated with him, and the more time  
that passed without her finding a home, the worse her agitation became. They  
would be leaving soon and if she wasn't successful before then, she'd have  
no choice but to return to the 9th cave.  
  
She considered herself lucky enough that she'd managed to ditch Ranec  
today. Madenia took a deep breath as she reached the top of the hill,  
looking around the area trying to decide which direction to go. She really  
didn't know the first thing about finding a cave, but with the dense foliage  
and high cliffs surrounding the Great Waters, she knew there had to be caves  
somewhere.  
  
As she started in a southerly direction, Madenia mused that trapping  
animals shouldn't be too much of a problem. After all, she'd already found  
eight or nine different sets of tracks. It would be more difficult to hunt  
larger animals, but she knew if Ayla could survive for three years, alone,  
in a valley that she'd be able to make it through a winter.  
  
A small shiver of fear went through her when she thought of having to give  
birth by herself. Madenia really did want other women around when the time  
came. Well, she'd just have to deal with that when it happens.  
  
Madenia traveled for quite some time before she spied what she was looking  
for. She wanted to jump for joy as she ran along the edge of a cliff,  
towards an opening. Getting down on all fours, Madenia leaned over the edge  
to get a better look. It didn't look like it would be too difficult to  
reach. The slope of the ridge wasn't as steep nearer the cave and she slowly  
started to pick her way down to the opening.  
  
  
Madenia stood on the small shelf ledge as she peered into the opening. Once  
her eyes adjusted, she readied her spear thrower and cautiously made her way  
inside. It didn't appear that any animals were around and she held on to the  
wall of the cave with her left hand as she stepped further inside. She made  
it about six feet before running into the back wall and wanted to scream.  
She was certain the cave was the one she was looking for. After all, she'd  
asked Duna at least a hundred times to help her find a place to stay.  
  
Not wanting to give up, Madenia ran her hand the entire way around the cave  
until she made it back to the entrance. There was no other opening leading  
farther into the cave. She sat on the ledge as two, then three large tears  
ran down her cheeks. She didn't even bother to wipe them away when others  
began to fall.  
  
The cave wouldn't be big enough to protect her from the elements. After  
what seemed like an eternity, Madenia knew she had to head back to camp, or  
everyone would come looking for her. Wiping her face, she decided it would  
be easier to climb down than to climb back up. The beach was narrower  
below, she noticed, but knew she could just travel north to reach her  
friends. It wasn't until she was a foot or two from the bottom of the cliff  
that she saw it.  
  
Almost directly under the small cave above, there was another opening.  
Madenia didn't want to get her hopes up again, but she still made her way to  
the small opening. It wasn't as large as the other one, she had to bend over  
to make her way inside.  
  
Madenia gasped when her eyes adjusted to the light. It was much  
larger than the other cave. She carefully picked her way to the back, noting  
the sand and seaweed on the floor of the cave. It didn't appear that any  
animals had used the cave for awhile. The cave extended back about fifteen  
of her feet and was about ten of her feet wide. It would be perfect! There  
was even a shelf-type ledge in the back that she could use for storage.  
  
The fact that the cave was right on the beach near the water's  
edge was also a plus, she thought. She wouldn't have to climb up or down  
when she became bigger with child. Working quickly, Madenia dug around the  
opening to widen it, but didn't get far before she knew she had to go back  
to camp. It was getting late in the day and chilly.  
  
As she ran along the narrow beach she was unaware of the water  
to her left rising with the high-tide that was rolling in.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ranec sighed in relief when he saw Madenia walking towards them  
along the beach. He'd been helping Willomar bring in the fishing nets after  
they'd packed up all the salt they'd gotten from the water. When he'd  
finished, he realized that she'd snuck off again.  
  
Ever since Madenia had told him of her idea of finding a cave  
out here and living alone, he'd had an uneasy feeling that he couldn't  
explain. Instead, he found himself watching her closely. He knew where and  
when she passed her water, which direction she took when she gathered food  
and wood, he even knew how often she was sick each day and roughly around  
what time it occurred.  
  
If anyone else noticed him watching her, they didn't say it.  
As Madenia came closer, he turned and busied himself with repairing a hole  
in one of the nets they'd been using.  
  
"Sorry I took so long," Madenia spoke to the small group around  
the fire, "It was such a nice day I decided to go exploring and didn't  
realize how late it had gotten."  
  
Ayla smiled at the younger woman. For the first time in days  
she seemed happy. "Are you hungry? I can make you a plate." She offered.  
  
"No thanks. I'll just get some tea." Madenia dug in her pack  
and pulled out her cup. Pouring the hot liquid, she sank down beside  
Jondalar and sighed. She was more tired than she thought she'd be.  
  
"It looks like a storms brewing. It's a good thing we got  
the salt when we did. I'd hate to be out here just in tents if a bad storm  
rolls in." Willomar commented as he eyed the sky before taking another bite  
of food.  
  
Rickolan frowned. "How can you tell? It's been sunny all  
day."  
  
Riklomar, the man of the boy's hearth, answered first.  
"Listen to Willomar, Rickolan, The Trade Master's traveled many places and  
seen many different kinds of weather. If he says there's a storm brewing,  
then there is."  
  
Willomar blushed at the praise, but cleared his throat and  
went on. "The Great Waters are dangerous for many reasons. Not just for the  
large creatures who live in its depths that have been known to attack  
people, but also because the sea itself can be deadly. The people that live  
along the edge of The Great Waters always warn never to turn your back on  
it, lest the Great Spirit of the Ocean become jealous and raise the water  
up."  
"Once when I was staying with the Mosanwanai, who live far  
to the north of hear along the waters edge, they told me of a time when one  
of the caves of their ancestors had started to take for granted the Great  
Spirit of the Ocean. They started to hunt the ocean creatures for fun.  
Killing more than they needed for food. Their Wanani- like a zelandonii-  
warned them that they would anger the Great Earth Mother and Ocean Spirit.  
She told them to stop but they wouldn't listen."  
"One day, their Wanani packed up and left the cave with the  
cave members who listened to her. Some left brothers or sisters behind, some  
Mother's left their grown children and grandchildren. Wanani was tired of  
their foolishness. That evening as the Mosanwanai were getting ready to  
sleep a few of the young men who'd been out came to the cave shouting that  
the water was gone."  
  
Rickolan gasped, "All the water? How could that be? There's  
so much of it?"  
  
Willomar smiled at the young man. He looked around at the  
others who were just as enthralled. "The others couldn't believe it either.  
At first they ignored the young men. Saying they were trying to play a joke  
on them. But the men grew more frantic. Finally, the rest of the cave went  
out with torches to see what had the men so upset. Just as they'd said, the  
water was gone. Some started yelling that the Great Spirit of the Ocean took  
away the water. What would they do? How would they survive? Until then, they  
had lived from the ocean entirely. The Great Earth Mother made it that way."  
  
Madenia was leaning forward, listening enwrapped. "So what  
did they do?" she whispered.  
  
"Some said they had to make sacrifices to the Earth Mother  
and Ocean Spirit, get back into their good grace. They ran after the water,  
begging the Mother not to take away the ocean from them. Before they got  
very far they heard a loud noise as if the entire earth had spoken all at  
once. Out of the dry ocean a great wall of water rose, bigger than the  
highest mountain and crashed down among the people and the cave. None of  
them survived."  
  
"That's terrible!" Madenia wailed as she started crying.  
Jondalar put an arm around her to comfort her.  
  
Joharren eyed the ocean again, then looked back at  
Willomar. "If everyone died, then how do you know that really happened?" he  
asked.  
  
Willomar smiled sadly. "The Mosanwanai didn't all die that  
night. If you'll remember, Wanani left that day with others from the cave.  
They watched from the top of a nearby mountain and grieved as their friends  
and family perished. They could do nothing. Wanani had told them that the  
Mother was going to punish them for their actions and that she was to take  
the Mosanwanai who wanted to follow Her ways to the highest place they could  
find if they wanted to be spared."  
"A few days later they group made it back to where their  
cave used to be. Nothing was left. The ocean had even taken the bodies of  
their family and friends. Wanani told them all who died that night are  
spirits of the ocean, and they must help to protect its creatures from  
others who'd make the same foolish mistake. From that time on, no one has  
over hunted for fun, or doubted the power of the Great Spirit of the Ocean."  
  
Joharren shuddered. "I'll be glad when we leave here  
tomorrow. The ocean is beautiful, but I don't want to accidentally offend  
anyone."  
  
Madenia sat up straighter as her heart beat faster. "We're  
leaving?" She needed time to make arrangements to stay in the cave!  
  
"We finished gathering all the salt we and the horses can  
carry. The days are getting shorter now also, and with the storm it's better  
if we leave in the morning."  
  
Ayla looked at the young woman with curiosity. Something was  
obviously distressing her, and she didn't think it was the story Willomar  
had just told. She noticed that Ranec was looking at Madenia oddly also.  
Ayla knew something was going on, but didn't know what.  
  
Off in the distance, they could see a few clouds moving in.  
Ayla wrapped her arms around herself when she saw the lightening. "Should we  
find somewhere else to camp for tonight?" She asked. she couldn't help but  
feel that something bad was going to happen.  
  
Willomar studied the clouds in the distance. "We should be  
fine here. We're not near the breaking point of the waves and unless it's a  
very bad storm and hits tonight, we'll probably be on our way tomorrow  
before it gets worse." Joharren nodded in agreement and they got ready to  
turn in.  
  
Ranec stood and stretched as he watched Madenia head into  
the small tent they shared, then walked towards the water. He wasn't certain  
what she was planning, but he decided to stay up for awhile to see if he  
could find out.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Madenia pushed her pack out of the small tent opening. The wind had picked  
up, but so far it hadn't started to rain and for that she was grateful.  
Ranec hadn't come to bed which had irritated her. She was hoping that he'd  
fall asleep quickly so she'd be able to sneak out without him seeing her.  
  
She looked around and finally saw him near the waters edge. She hoped he  
wouldn't pick that moment to turn around and see her. Madenia hoisted her  
pack and ran as quickly and quietly as she could in the opposite direction.  
It wasn't until she was around the bend that she paused to catch her breath.  
She risked peeking around the bend and noticed that Ranec was still looking  
in the other direction. She sent a small prayer of thanks to the Mother  
before heading farther down the beach.  
Madenia made certain that she walked in the break of the waves so her foot  
prints would be washed away. She knew how skilled of a tracker Ayla was and  
didn't want them to come after her. She couldn't continue to stay with the  
zelandonii, she didn't want to mate any man, and.she thought sadly. She had  
no where else to go.  
  
Part of her wished that Ayla and Jondalar would agree to leave the  
zelandonii too. They could all start their own cave. Ayla was almost like a  
Losaduni and she was a great healer and hunter. She'd know what to do when  
Madenia was ready to give birth. Jondalar and Ranec were also good hunters  
and she knew they wouldn't starve.  
  
The full moon helped her to find the small cave. At first she was dismayed  
that the water seemed to be only about five feet away from the base of the  
opening, but at least she'd still have room to go in and out freely even  
with high tide. After all, a storm was brewing and the water still didn't  
reach her new home. Madenia quickly went inside, then pulled the brush  
around the entrance so no one would be able to find her.  
  
Madenia felt her way to the back of the cave until she found the bed of  
leaves she'd placed their earlier. The ground of the cave was damp, but she  
placed her sleeping furs on top of the leaves for a temporary fix. Once she  
was settled, Madenia would build a sleeping platform. The cave was chillier  
than the small tent she and Ranec shared, but she wondered if she should  
light a fire. Deciding not to take the chance of someone seeing it or  
smelling the smoke, she placed her pack on the shelf ledge above and huddled  
into her furs.  


--  
  



	4. Seasons of Sorrow Part 4

Ayla tried to settle down beside Jondalar, but a sense of foreboding wouldn't let her get comfortable. She didn't know exactly when it had started, but passed it off to the storm brewing in the distance. Already the wind had picked up and their tent was pressing in from the force. Wolf whined at her feet and Ayla shifted so she could pet the top of his head.

She could barely hear Whinney and Racer outside but knew they'd moved closer to the tent.  
Part of her wanted to wake Jondalar, but she knew she was being silly. She'd traveled through storms before. After all, she and Jondalar traveled for years in all kinds of weather. Besides, she told herself, she didn't want to wake the children so she forced herself to lay still has she listened to the waves crashing against the shore and the wind buffering their small tent.

Ranec sighed as he rubbed his arms together. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing at the water's edge but he was certain that Denie had fallen asleep by now. The fire, which had been banked before they went to bed, was now just some glowing embers. He longed to wrap himself around Madenia's petite body and breathe in her essence and headed quickly for their tent.

Not wanting to drag sand into the sleeping furs, he took his foot coverings off outside and crawled into the darkened space feeling his way. Once the flap of the tent was tied down, he let out a deep breath of exhaustion and quickly pulled his tunic over his head. Laying down Ranec curled on his side and automatically reached an arm for Madenia. When he encountered nothing but empty space he quickly sat up and started to feel further around the small area. Gone! Ranec's heart raced as he scrambled to light a small lamp. The flame spluttered but eventually caught. Ranec then realized that her pack and sleeping furs were gone. How could he have been so stupid! She had probably snuck off while he was drowning in self-pity at the water's edge. He should have paid more attention he chastised himself as he flung his tunic back on and scrambled out of the tent.

Ranec had to curb his first impulse to shout out her name over the wind. Everyone else was still sleeping and he didn't want to alarm them for nothing. Only he alone knew of her plan to find a cave and live by herself and if he could find her before morning, perhaps he could convince her to return before anyone knew that she was missing.

As he looked up and down the beach for any signs of movement his frustration built. He didn't even know which direction she had taken! The lightening the small group of travelers had seen earlier in the distance now lit up the entire sky and as Ranec reached for the pitch torches, he heard a roar of thunder that shook the earth as the sky opened up and pelted him with it's vicious assault. Ranec tried to cover his head with part of his tunic as he turned from the packs with the torches. They'd be of no use now. Willomar and Joharren scrambled out of their tent followed closely by the rest of the travelers. Ranec could tell they were shouting but couldn't tell what they were saying over the wind. 

When Ayla came out of the tent, she made her way over to Ranec quickly.   
"Joharren says we have to move off the beach now. Grab everything you can. Ask Madenia to watch Tholiza and Wynic for me while I put the travois on the horses with Jondalar, will you?"

If Ranec had been worried before, he was now convinced Madenia was in danger wherever she was. As Ayla turned away, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "I can't. Madenia's gone. I should have said something before but I thought I could stop her. She's gone off to try and find a cave and live on her own. I tried to stop her. She could be anywhere by now." He shouted over the wind. 

Ayla's look of concern mirrored his own as she looked up and down the beach, shielding her eyes as best she could. She shook her head.  
"We've got to get everyone to safety, then we can look for her." Ayla shouted back.   
There was a time that she would have left in a heartbeat to help, and it was all Ayla could do to resist that impulse now. But she had to look out for her children. She had to make certain they were safe. "I'll tell Jondalar!" 

Ranec quickly packed his belongings and stuffed the tent as best he could into a manageable size before tying it with rope. Once everything was packed and the small group started up the slope to the tree line above, he looked back down at the beach. It seemed so simple! He couldn't believe he didn't realize it before. Madenia couldn't have gone north on the beach or come up the slope. He would have seen her for sure. Tossing his pack onto Whinney's travois he turned to go but was stopped by Jondalar.

The blond man's hair was plastered to his face as he held Tholiza close to him under his tunic to try and shield her. 

"You can't go back down their, you'll kill yourself!" Jondalar shouted over the wind and rain. "We'll all look for Madenia once we find a safe place for the animals and children."  
  
"I have to go!" Ranec shouted back as he yanked free of Jondalar's grip and raced back down the slope.  
  
Ayla, who'd been leading Whinney ran back to them. "Ranec wait!" she shouted but he didn't hear. She tried to follow him but Jondalar stopped her. "Let him go. We've got to find a safe place for the children."  
  
A flash of lightening allowed her to see Ranec race across the beach below before the deafening roar of thunder shook the ground. Whinney neighed and paced to the side, almost losing her footing on the path. It took both hands for Ayla to try and pull her friend back on the path. She knew Jondalar was right. They had to get to safety. As quickly as she could, Ayla continued up the path behind Willomar, Joharren, Rickolan and Riklomar hoping they wouldn't be too late to save their other friends.  


Madenia huddled in her furs, sleeping fitfully. She'd barely gotten to the cave before the full fury of the storm broke loose. Tired as she had been, it had taken her a little time to fall asleep. And although she felt as if she was making the right decision, she couldn't help the overwhelming sadness she felt at the thought of never seeing her friends again. Particularly when she thought of never seeing Ranec again. 

It was for the best, she'd mused, it had to be. What could she possibly offer the dark man? she had no cave, no people to call her own. He could have any woman, Folara had such high status and she made it known to everyone how she felt about him. Why would he want to choose her? 

No, Madenia thought to herself. She couldn't be with Ranec, she couldn't be with any man. They weren't to be trusted. Sure, they seemed nice to her face, but she knew what they were really like. She couldn't let anyone hurt her the way she'd been hurt before. It was definitely better this way. She could raise her baby on her own. Live alone. And eventually she could probably even find some animals to keep her company as Ayla had. 

Still, as she drifted off to sleep, Madenia couldn't help but think of how Jondalar and Ayla met, how she nursed him back to health and how they had lived together in the cave in the valley. A tear slipped silently down her cheek as she saw Ranec in Jondalar's place, and she in Ayla's, as they lived together, alone. 

"Denie!" Ranec shouted over the wind and rain, but he couldn't hear a reply. He could barely see as he ran across the beach, fighting the strong wind and water that was crashing into the shore with such force he had to fight just to remain standing. 

Ranec knew she had to have come this way. It was the only possibility. He knew the beach in this area was surrounded by high cliffs. What he didn't know was whether she had tried to climb them or went farther down the beach. He prayed she hadn't tried to climb the steep rocks, as his thoughts turned to her laying hurt at the base of the cliffs. 

"Den-!" Ranec's words were cut off as a particularly strong wave caught him off guard and he fell into the surf, water filling his mouth. Suddenly he found himself fighting to find which way was up as he struggled to stand. By the time Ranec found his footing, the water had dragged him at least ten of his paces into the ocean. 

Using all of his will power, he made his way back to the beach where the water was only knee deep. Normally, that area would have been sand, and the ocean thirty paces away. The surf threatened to knock him off his feet as he neared a rock wall that jutted to the waters edge. He knew he'd have to go farther into the water to get around it. Glancing at the high cliffs above one last time, he knew there would have been no way she could have climbed them in this weather, and kept on his present course. 

As Ranec picked his way past the rock, a wave slammed him into the hard stone. He heard his head crack against the hard stone before he actually felt the impact. Ranec yelled in pain as he felt a sudden warmth ooze down the back of his neck. Blood, he thought, as another wave slammed him back into the rocks while he tried to make his way past them. Fighting the dizziness, he waited for the next wave to pass then quickly pressed on. 

Madenia felt as if she were being weighed down. She felt like she was drowning, waking with a start, she struggled to free herself from the wet furs. There was water everywhere! She could hear the fury of the storm from the cave entrance as a surge of water filled the small opening. 

Panicked, she quickly scrambled out of the furs. The entire floor of the cave was filling with water with each pulse of the ocean's waves. She wasn't certain if she should leave the cave or not, but worry for her friends made her go to the small entrance. She peered out of the tiny part of the opening that wasn't yet filled with water. No, it was better to stay inside. She wished now though, that she had made the opening bigger. She knew Ayla and the rest would have left the beach with this storm, and only hoped they were all ok. 

Madenia made her way to the back of the cave and after feeling around, found a foothold to pull herself up on the small ledge. She gathered up the soaked furs and, heavy as they were bogged down with water, managed to get them up first before climbing onto the shelf herself. 

The back of the cave was pitch black, and not even the light from the full moon penetrated the cave with the storm raging. Madenia spread the furs out, and though they were wet, she wrapped them around herself knowing they would provide some insulation from the cold. Too scared to sleep, Madenia continued to stare into the blackness as she listened to the water lap against the back wall of the cave. 

It wasn't until they had found shelter among a thick grove of trees, and the tents were strung together into a makeshift lean-to did the rest of the travelers turn their attention back to their lost friends. It was quickly agreed that Dalanar, Riklomar, Willomar and Rickolan would stay there with the children and horses, while Joharren, Jondalar, Ayla and Wolf would head out to try and find Ranec and Madenia. It didn't take long for them to dump their traveling packs and take only rope, torches, some hides and of course, Ayla's first aid kit. Traveling lighter they would make better time. 

As soon as they left the shelter of the trees did they fury of the storm assault them again. It wasn't until they made their way to the edge of the cliff that their hearts sank. The beach below no longer existed. It was as if the ocean had swallowed it whole. Jondalar wrapped his arms around Ayla protectively as he yelled over the wind for the others to hear him. 

"We can't go back down that way." 

Willomar nodded in agreement. "There's a trail that follows the edge of the cliffs. If we follow it around, we may be able to spot them from up here." He shouted back. 

The group of travelers quickly fell in behind Willomar as they scanned the darkness below. They waited for the lightening that would illuminate the area hoping for a glimpse of their friends, but knew that more than likely the ocean had taken them just as easily as it had the beach. 

Ranec knew he couldn't continue on as he scanned the area around him. The water was waist deep now, and the tide was stronger than he ever imagined it could be. Ranec was up against the rock face and getting pummeled against it with every new wave. 

"Denie!" he choked out, knowing she was gone, but hoping beyond hope that she'd somehow managed to find a safe place. His tears mingled with the salt water as he tried to find a way up the rock wall. 

Every time Ranec found a grip, either a wave would knock him down, or his hands would slip. He couldn't make it, not that way. A flash of lightening illuminated something on the cliffs above and he felt his heart jump. 

"Denie!" he called out again, knowing he saw *someone*. Once the sky lit again, he realized there was more than one person. The third time it lit he could see his friends above walking along the cliff edge. They couldn't see him! 

"Ayla! Jondalar!" Ranec called as he made the decision to move away from the rock wall, hoping they'd spot him. The undertow of the tide pulled him out farther than he'd wanted to go, but in the next instant he was slammed against the hard stone once again. Ranec struggled to find a hold again, and thought he heard Wolf barking. When he looked up again, he realized his friends had spotted him. 

"There he is!" Ayla exclaimed pointing below. Wolf was still barking, pacing near the edge as he sniffed the air below. 

"Where?" Jondalar asked as he and Joharren rushed back to where Ayla was standing. 

"Look by the rock point below. He's to the left of it." She explained. The sky lit again. "Do you see him?" 

The rumble of thunder that followed shook them to the core and Ayla distinctively took a step back from the edge. The shaking earth terrified her, but she had to help her friends. Steeling her resolve, she leaned over the edge and immediately realized the danger he was in. The tide would continue to pummel him against the rocks unless they could help him. 

Joharren quickly pulled the rope out of his pack, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he hurried to the cliff's edge. Jondalar took an end and looped it around a tree trunk. Nodding at Joharren, the older brother tossed the rope over the cliff towards the trapped man. 

"Grab the rope" he cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted as loud as he could. The wind whipped the rope around and Ayla shook her head. 

"He can't reach it. Try again." She helped Joharren pull the rope up, and this time she tried tossing it Ranec. This time he almost had it but the waves caused him to lose his balance. For a few moments he disappeared under the water. 

"Ranec!" Ayla cried as she took a step closer to the edge of the cliff. Wolf yipped and blocked her path, not letting her get too close. 

Jondalar, too, had hurried to the edge after tying his end of the rope around the tree trunk. He breathed a sigh of relief when the lightening revealed the man had resurfaced. Ranec was further down the rock wall than where he was before though, and the rope would never reach him from there. 

Joharren quickly pulled the rope up as Ayla ran along the side of the cliff, trying to get directly above him. 

The next time the sky lit the beach below, the dark man with the laughing eyes was no where to be found. 


	5. Seasons of Sorrow Part 5

Madenia cried as she huddled on the ledge, which was also filling quickly with water. "Oh Muni! I'm going to die. I don't want to die. Please, please don't let me die." She pleaded over and over as the cold water almost completely filled the cave. She guessed she only had about two of her feet left before it would reach the ceiling of the cave. She should have left when she had the chance. When the storm first started. 

She rocked back and forth on the ledge, clutching the furs to her. She didn't want to die. Not like this. She was too young, and what about her baby? She pleaded with the Mother over and over to help her. Knowing she had to at least try, Madenia took a few deep breaths as she scooted closer to the edge of the ledge. The water now came up to just under her breasts with her sitting on the small shelf. Shakily, Madenia took a deep breath and slid off the shelf into the water. She totally disappeared underneath but she couldn't feel her feet touch the bottom of the cave. Breaking the surface with a gasp, she clung to the shelf's ledge sobbing. 

"I have to do this. I have to." She mumbled. She could feel the force of the water filling the cave and pushing off the wall with a mighty kick, started swimming towards where she knew the front of the cave had to have been. 

Though she started off strong, she thought she only made it about half way across before being pushed back to the ledge by the force of the water. She tried a few more times with the same results. 

Madenia was almost hysterical as she treaded water. She was tired and cold, and her clothes were heavy bogged down with water like they were. She moved to her left and somehow noticed that the current wasn't as strong. Deciding to stay along the wall, she slowly made her way to the front of the cave using the wall's natural indents for hand holds. 

She felt calmer now that she neared her goal, and knew she was next to the opening by the force of water near her feet. Madenia sent a silent plea to the Mother to help her, then dove beneath the surface. 

Madenia was at the edge of the opening, but as she tried to get through it a surge of water forced her back inside causing her to lose her grip. She was tossed upside down in the water and rolled over and over before hitting a wall of the cave. She wasn't sure which way was up, but she took her chance on a direction and was relieved when she reached air. 

Madenia's tears mingled with the water as she tried once again to make her way to the front of the cave... 

Ranec struggled to breathe as he was sucked down into the water. He threw his arms out looking for something, anything to grab hold of. It was impossible to fight against the current, it was too strong. He wanted to cry out when his legs jammed against what felt like rocks. 

Ranec tried to hold on to the edge of the hole as his body was sucked into a opening in the rocks but it was of no use. His world was turning black as the grip the ocean had on him finally let go and he shot upward with a great force, hitting something before he reached the surface gasping for air. 

Everything around him was pitch black. He had no idea where he was. At first all he could hear was the rushing of water that seemed to echo all around him, but then he thought he heard another sound. Crying. Only Ranec's head was visible as he treaded water and when he tried to boost himself up he let out a yell when his head hit the rocks above him. He had to be in some type of cave. 

Madenia let out a scream when she heard what could only be another human being. It wasn't possible though. No one knew where she was at. The next instant she heard her name being called. 

"Denie?" Ranec _knew _he heard her voice. He was certain of it. He reached out and tried to feel through the water around him. "Denie, is that you?" His heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to burst from his chest. His head hurt, he was cold and tired, and in pain in more than a few places. At first when there was no answer, he was certain that he'd imagined the sound, but in what seemed to be a moment when even the ocean quited, he heard a faint reply. 

"Ranec?" Madenia weakly called, not believing it could possibly be him. He was safe with Ayla and Jondalar high above on the cliffs. 

"Oh Mut, she's alive! Denie, where are you?" Ranec cried out as he moved towards where he thought her voice had come from. 

"I'm here," Madenia choked out, barely letting herself believe that she wasn't alone any longer. "I'm over here." 

"Keep talking, I'm coming to you." Ranec called as he fought the current, straining to see her through the darkness. 

"I'm here. I thought I'd never see anyone ever again. I thought I was going to--" Madenia choked off her reply as Ranec reached her and crushed her to him. She clung to him just as tightly, finally giving in to all her fears and crying in loud racking sobs. 

"Denie, oh Denie, I thought I'd lost you." Ranec confessed as he held onto her with one arm, while clinging to the rock wall with the other. "Thank Mut you're all right. I don't know what I would have done if..." 

Ranec wouldn't let himself finish the sentence. He couldn't. All that mattered was that Madenia was alive. She was in his arms and _alive_. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ranec's relief at finding Madenia was short lived as he realized that the top of his head was now skimming the ceiling of the cave. The water was rising. Madenia was holding on to him tightly making him notice just how tender his sides and back were from being tossed into the rocks at the wave break. 

He was also feeling dizzy and cold. Very cold. "Denie, we've got to get out of here. The water is rising. Ayla and Jondalar are on the cliff above. They were trying to throw a rope to me when I was pulled into this cave. If we can get back outside, I know they'll be able to help us." 

What he didn't want to tell her, was he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to hold on and he needed to make certain she was safe. She needed him and he couldn't let her down. 

"I was trying to get out of the cave but every time I get close the force of the water throws me back in here. I'm so cold Ranec, I don't think I can make it." Madenia confessed as she shivered against his chest, grateful for the warmth he provided. She was shaking so violently, she didn't notice how much he was shaking in return. 

"Don't say that! you _can_ make it, I know you can. I won't let you give up. Think about your baby. Come on, we can do this together. I'll help you." Ranec started to move them towards the front of the cave, while feeling his way along the wall. He was finding it very difficult to move, his body was protesting the cold and fatigue. "You go first, I'll help you. When you get out, swim to the right. Be careful of the rocks, the tide is very strong." He was starting to find it hard to stay awake. His head hurt and he was so tired. He started to feel a tingling behind his eyes and knew whatever they were going to do, it had to be now. 

Madenia clung to him tighter. "I can't." 

"You have to. I'll be right behind you. I promise." Ranec moved the two of them along the cave wall until he could feel the current beneath his feet. "Ok, take a deep breath. I'll go under with you and push from behind." 

Madenia nodded, not trusting herself to speak. They both took a deep breath and dove under the water. Madenia felt for the opening and could feel Ranec pushing her from behind. she used all the strength she had left to try and pull herself through the opening. She felt like shouting with gladness as she pulled her legs through the opening and made it to the surface. Moving was slow going at best, but she did her best to move off to the right like Ranec had told her to. 

She looked above at the cliff face, not seeing anything in the dark. "Ayla! Jondalar!" she called out, hoping they'd hear her. Madenia then turned her attention back to where the cave opening was, waiting for Ranec to come out behind her. She'd be glad when they were both safe on the cliffs above and out of the turbulent water. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"We have to try and help him!" Ayla cried out over the force of the wind. Both Joharren and Jondalar were peering over the edge, trying to spot the carver when the lightening flashed overhead. 

Joharren frowned. "He could be anywhere. The force of the water could have carried him out into the ocean by now." he didn't want to be the one to face reality, but as leader of his people he had to, in the past, make the decision of whether to risk other's lives to try and save one. It was never easy to lose someone, but decisions had to be made. 

Ayla turned desperately to Jondalar. "Maybe we can climb down the cliff. We have the rope and we can lower someone down. I'm light, I could go." She almost hysterically rambled as she shucked off her pack and started to dig through it. "Both you and Joharren could hold the rope. I'm sure I can find him when I get down there. It's just too dark to see from up here." 

Jondalar wanted to try and help Ranec, he had actually thought of using the rope himself to climb down the cliff. When Ayla suggested that she go, his insides twisted into a knot. He always got a gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he thought of her being in danger. He couldn't let her go into that swirling mass of water below. 

Jondalar came up behind Ayla and pulled her to her feet, enfolding her in his arms. 

"Let go, Jondalar. I have to get down there. Ranec needs our help." Ayla tried to push away from him. 

"Joharren's right. We can't do anything for him now. It would be different if we could still see him, Ayla. I can't have you risking your life." Jondalar implored as he held her fast, using his body to try and will her to agree with him. 

'_Where is he_' Madenia wondered as she clung to a jutting rock, scared and alone in the dark. She didn't see Ayla or Jondalar anywhere and hoped they hadn't given up on Ranec and her. She had expected Ranec to be right behind her, but the minutes seemed to pass slowly and still he didn't surface. 

She looked to the cliffs again but couldn't spot Anyone. Madenia's anxiety continued to build as the water rushed around her, and the thunder rumbled overhead. She was finally out of the cave and instead of being safe, she was in just as bad a situation. _And where was Ranec? _Her mind raced over and over on that question. 

Madenia was about to move farther to the right along the cliff face, hoping to find a way up, but something stopped her. She just couldn't leave Ranec in the cave. Glancing up the steep wall of rock above, Madenia knew she probably wouldn't be able to climb it. She was cold, and tired, and it was just too large. 

Either way she knew she was going to die. 

Instead of feeling the panic that coursed through her all night long with the rising water, she felt calm. Accepting her fate, Madenia took a deep breath and dove back under the water. If Duna was going to take her, and Ranec, then they would die together. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Madenia slowly became aware that she was laying against someone and she was cold. The dank sea air assaulted her senses as she blinked her eyes open. There was bright light coming in from the small opening, but in the next instant she was startled to realize that it was light, not water. She stared at the opening as she sat up, shakily. The memories of the night before came flooding back to her. Leaving the camp, the cave filling with water. Ranec pushing her out of the cave. 

Madenia leaned over him and placed her hand on his chest. She could feel a heartbeat. _Thank Duna, _she whispered as she looked around the small cave she thought could have been her new home. She still couldn't believe that she and Ranec were alive. 

The floor of the cave was soggy and wet, but Madenia didn't notice as she crawled to the entrance and shielded her eyes against the bright sunlight shining in. The air smelled crisp as she stared out the opening. The water was back where it belonged, gently lapping against the sand. Wood, seaweed and shells littered the area. 

Madenia found herself shaking as she leaned against the opening of the cave. It was over. She was about to check on Ranec and try to wake him when something caught her attention. Coming around the bend she could see Wolf, followed by Ayla riding Whinney, then Jondalar leading Racer with his guide rope. It didn't take long for others to follow. 

Wolf yipped and started to run in her direction. Once everyone else saw she was there, they all hurried towards her. 

"Madenia! Thank Doni you're alive. We thought we'd lost you." Jondalar spoke as he let go of Racer's lead and came over to her, hunkering down in front of her. "Are you all right?" 

Madenia saw the worry in his eyes and had to look down before nodding her head. When he took her hands in his, she bit her lower lip so she wouldn't end up crying like a child. She'd caused so much trouble for everyone, again, and yet they were only worried about her well being. 

"You're so cold! And soaking wet." He exclaimed as he glanced up at Ayla. The medicine woman knelt by her, the familiar red otter skin bag at her side. 

Madenia couldn't bring herself to even look at Ayla as the woman took a hide from Joharren and wrapped it around her, and pulled her into a hug. 

"Are you certain you're not hurt, Madenia?" Ayla asked the younger woman gently. She could tell from her body language that Madenia had been through a terrible ordeal and she wanted to make sure both Madenia and the baby were all right. 

"I'm fine." Madenia finally managed to choke out. "Ranec" she stifled a sob then took a deep breath. She didn't see Ayla and Jondalar look at each other with worry. "Ranec's in the cave." She finished. "He tried to find me, didn't he? That's why he was caught in the storm, isn't it?" she asked, full of self loathing. Ayla didn't have to answer for her to know the truth. She sobbed again hugging Ayla tightly as Joharren quickly hurried past them and crawled into the cave. A moment later they heard him call out. "He's alive." 

Ayla closed her eyes and let out a breath she'd been holding. Looking at Rickolen she motioned for him to come forward. "Would you go back to camp and start a fire? We'll need to boil a lot of water for some medicine I want to make. I don't want to stay on this beach any longer than we have to. If you see Riklomar and Willomar, let them know that we found both Madenia and Ranec." The boy nodded and quickly headed back in the direction they had come. Ayla gently leaned Madenia beside the cave opening as she scrambled into the cave behind Jondalar. 

Though Ayla loved the water, and the danger from the storm had passed, she didn't know how long they'd have to camp to dry their belongings and take stock of their supplies. Also, she didn't know if Ranec was hurt. If they had to camp for a few more days, she wanted to be well above the danger of the water. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ranec slowly sat up and smiled his thanks at Ayla as he accepted a cup of tea from her. 

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Ranec." Willomar said as he added another piece of wood to the fire. "For awhile there, I thought you weren't going to wake up until tomorrow morning." 

Ranec smiled sheepishly at the older man as he thought back on the day. He had woken on the beach earlier that morning to find Ayla, Jondalar, and Joharren around him. Though he was confused, when he saw Madenia sitting in front of the cave he remembered finding her and helping her get out of the cave. After she was safely through, he tried to follow her but the force of the water was too great and his head hurt. The last thing he remembered was fighting the current before waking up this morning. 

Ranec had ridden Racer back to the camp while Madenia rode Whinney. Ayla had insisted that they both ride instead of trying to climb the cliff. Ranec had to admit that his head hurt greatly and so did his side, so he didn't protest. On the way there, he watched Madenia's back as she rode ahead of him and realized that she must have found Ayla and the others. 

_They must have helped him out of the cave the night before_. It was the only explanation he could think of. He knew Madenia couldn't have fought the current by herself. He thanked Mut that they did. Otherwise, he was certain he'd be walking in the world of the spirits now. 

No sooner had they reached the camp did he fall asleep again. It seemed so long ago. Was it just this morning that he woke on the beach below? 

"I must have been more tired than I realized." Ranec commented as he took a sip of the warm tea. 

"How's your head feeling?" Ayla asked him as she fixed him a platter of food. 

Ranec shrugged, then tried not to wince. "It doesn't hurt as much as this morning." 

"The tea will help to dull the pain Make sure you drink all of it." She instructed as she handed him the platter. 

Ranec looked around the camp. There were hides hanging off of tree branches to dry, and the traveling tents were set up properly. This morning when they'd arrived, mostly everything was still on the pole drags except for a lean-to that had been hastily erected. 

Rickolen and Riklomar were talking quietly to each other near one of the tents while Joharren and Jondalar were by a smaller fire. Jondalar was working with a nodule of flint while Joharren shaped a small shaft. Tholiza was sleeping on a fur near the fire and Ayla held Wynic in a sling by her breast. There was one person he didn't see though. 

"Where's Madenia?" He asked, hoping she wouldn't have been foolish enough to leave again after she'd almost died. He knew she was probably in one of the tents but wanted to hear it from Ayla. 

"She's resting. It's been a hard day on her. She wouldn't tell me what happened other than she was 'fine'. I examined her, but I want her to rest for a day or two since she's" Ayla stopped herself mid sentence. She'd almost told Ranec that Madenia had been blessed, and Ayla knew the younger woman wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. 

Ranec's head snapped up from his plate of food, and he winced as his head began to throb again. Could something be wrong with the baby? His throat constricted but he cleared it. "Her baby is her baby all right?" Ranec managed to ask, and it was Ayla's turn to be surprised. _So, she's shared the news of her blessing with him,_ Ayla thought as she read his body language without thinking. He was tense and worried. 

"I don't think she's going to lose the baby. But I want her to lay down as much as possible at least through tomorrow. I gave her a tea to help her sleep." She saw Ranec visibly relax and by the time he'd eaten half the food on his platter, she noticed the tea she gave him taking effect as he yawned. 

"Ranec, I also want you to rest tomorrow. We have plenty of time before we have to head home. I gave Madenia a dry tunic to wear and if you don't mind, Madenia's in your sleeping furs. The two of you can share tonight or you can use mine. I don't mind sharing with Jondalar." 

Normally, Ayla and Jondalar would combine their sleeping furs but there had been times on their journey that they only used one set. She smiled at how little sleep they'd managed to get during those occasions. 

Ranec frowned as he realized he was indeed sitting on Ayla's furs. "Where's Madenia's things?" he asked, feeling sleepier by the minute. 

"I don't know. You said she'd taken them with her. I guess they were swept away by the water. I didn't see her pack or anything on the beach this morning." Ayla stood and took Ranec's plate from him. "Why don't you lay down. You've both had a long night." 

Ranec nodded and standing, waved at both Jondalar and Joharren who were smiling at him, happy that he was up and about. "I can't believe I'm this tired after sleeping all day." He commented as he made his way to the tent he and Madenia normally shared. 

"Part of that is the tea I gave you. It helps take away bad head pain, but it also makes you drowsy. You need your rest though, so don't try to fight it." Ayla said as she watched to make sure Ranec made it to the tent all right. Once he was inside she sat down at the fire beside Willomar again. 

Ranec took off his tunic and huddled close to Madenia, thankful that she was once again beside him, and safe. If only he could remember what all had happened last night. He tried to stifle a yawn as he snuggled closer to the young woman. As he drifted off, an unbidden thought startled him and his eyes opened again. 

Madenia didn't even have her pack now! She'd truly lost everything she owned. He knew she'd been worrying about how to provide for her baby with barely anything to her name, but now, what was she going to do? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

_"Hold on Ranec, I won't let you give up. Don't you give up on me. We can do this, together. Ranec!"_

Ranec woke with a start sitting straight up. He looked around the small tent trying to catch his breath. His head throbbed and he had broken out in a cold sweat. 

Knowing he wasn't going to get any more sleep, he tried not to disturb Madenia as he reached over and pulled back the tent flap. It was barely dawn. The faint light filtering through the opening helped him to focus on the younger woman beside him. She was laying on her side facing him, and he listened to her light, deep breathing. 

Reaching over, he brushed a strand of hair out of her face and she stirred slightly. Pulling the furs back, he gazed at her breasts, filling out with the Mother's Blessing. She barely had a thickening about her waist, subtle as it was though he was acutely aware of it. 

The artist in him was trained to memorize her womanly shapes and curves. It wasn't even something he thought about consciously. If he had thought about it though, he would have had to admit to himself that he hadn't been this aware of a woman since Ayla. He gently covered her again before crawling out of the tent. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Ranec! Where have you been?" Ayla gave him a stern look, though when she saw what was in his hands, she felt her anger abate. As usual, Ayla thought she had been the first one up in the camp. She'd just come back from passing her water when a rustling in the trees made her pull her sling from her head and ready a stone. When Ranec stepped out into the small clearing her first reaction was to scold him for going somewhere after she'd told him specifically to rest today. 

Willomar poked a groggy head from his tent to see what all the commotion was about. Ayla turned to him as Ranec simply sat down by the fire pit and stirred the coals to get the morning fire going. "I didn't mean to wake you Willomar." Ayla offered as an apology. 

The older man shook his head as he crawled out of the tent and started to pull his foot coverings on with a big yawn. "I was waking up anyway. What's the commotion about?" he asked as he ruffled a hand through his hair, stood and stretched. 

Ayla glanced at Ranec again. "It seems someone has decided to not listen to my advice and stay in the furs this morning."  
Ranec had the decency to blush, but before he could explain himself, she continued. "How's your head feeling?" 

"Better. My head hardly hurts at all. And besides, I've slept enough yesterday." He gave as an excuse for his disappearance as he fed the small fire. He then turned his attention to the reason he'd been out of bed. 

Madenia's pack was sopping wet, and he when he managed to untie the knot holding it shut, he could smell the unmistakable odor of rot and was slightly misshapen. She'd definitely need a new pack. He had found it in a corner of the cave they'd been in, barely visible in the little light filtering in the opening. He just hoped her other belongings would be salvageable. Her sleeping furs, what he could find of them, were in far worse shape. He draped them over a tree branch then settled down by the fire again. 

Ayla watched Ranec surreptitiously as she added rocks to the fire to heat the tea, both to make sure he was feeling all right, and to see Madenia's belongings. Ayla knew the younger woman had been worried and preoccupied, and since she'd told Madenia she'd been blessed, she noted how much more worried the woman had become. It didn't take much to realize that she was worried about planning for the baby. After all, she went through a lot of the same things with Durc. It wasn't easy being the sole provider for an infant. 

Of course, Ayla mused, _Madenia isn't really alone, as she had been. She has an entire cave willing to help her out, if only Madenia would accept it_. She thought there was much more to Madenia's reluctance than just accepting help from others. Some people did have a problem with being indebted but Ayla had a gut feeling about this. Whatever Madenia's totem was, Ayla knew she was being tested. She also knew that tests from one's totem could be hard, but the rewards were normally worth the test. She only hoped the younger woman would find her inner strength and be worthy of her totem. 

Ayla turned her attention back to Ranec who carefully took each of her belongings out and checked them over. Her knife was fine, it just needed to have the lashings dried, she noted, and watched as he pulled out her other traveling outfit, taking it over to hang on a bush to help it dry. She had two rabbit skins that Ayla knew would be perfect for making baby clothes. Those could also be dried and reworked. 

Madenia's extra pair of foot coverings looked pretty worn and Ayla wondered why the younger woman hadn't replaced them. The Ninth Cave had plenty of extra leather for those who needed it, and Madenia had helped contribute greatly to the winter stores since she'd arrived. She worked almost from waking until she went to sleep. Even she had told Madenia to take it easy. When Ranec came across a small package, he untied the cord. A piece of the small Mother figure inside fell from his grasp and he tried to catch it but it hit the dirt. He frowned as he picked it up. 

"It looks like this didn't survive the night." Ranec said as he held both pieces in the leather. "It's bad luck to have your Mother Figure broken." 

"Is it?" Ayla asked. She knew it was important to keep your Mother figure with you, and when you establish a hearth to put it in a place of honor. She'd never heard of one being damaged before and wondered if The Mother would bestow bad luck on the owner if something happened to it. 

She turned to Willomar who was now sitting at the fire beside them, hoping to find out the zelandonii ideas. 

"Well, everyone's told when they receive their Mother Figure to keep it in a safe place. It's the person's responsibility to care for it, so when they get a hearth of their own, it can protect their belongings and when they travel the person is never too far from The Mother. I know a person can have more than one Mother Figure over the years but it's always the first a woman receives when she becomes a woman that's the most important. I don't know of anyone myself that has one broken before. When we get home, we can ask Zelandoni." Willomar finished as he handed his cup to Ayla for some tea. 

Ranec carefully examined the broken pieces noting how the Losanduni decorated their Mother Figures. The detailing was more intricate than the Mamutoi's, but not more beautiful, just different. Like the ones he was familiar with though, there was no distinguishing facial feature. He noted that her Muta had been made from the horn of an animal. Which one he wasn't certain of. 

He carefully wrapped both pieces in the leather again and tied it securely. Reaching into her pack again, there was only one more thing left at the bottom. He lifted out the leather wrapped package and after opening it, stared in wonder at the beautiful yellow tunic he held. It was the same one she'd worn when they had participated in the mating ceremony at the zelandonii summer meeting. Unbidden memories of that night came to him, and he shifted self-consciously as his manhood stirred. 

Ayla had been watching him and his reactions, and smiled sadly as she approached him. "I'll hang this up to dry. I want you to get some rest." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ranec didn't argue with Ayla, tired as he was feeling and that surprised him. He wasn't used to sleeping so much. He went over to the small tent he shared with Madenia, and took off his foot coverings. Crawling in to the small tent, he paused half way in, hoping not to disturb her. Seeing her look so peaceful, he felt his manhood start to stir again, but he knew now wasn't the time. 

He pulled back the furs and spooned himself against her, letting out a deep breath. It didn't take him long to fall asleep. 

Madenia could hear voices, people talking near by. She forced herself to open her eyes and stared at the dim hide of the traveling tent. She could tell from the light filtering through that she must have slept late into the morning. There was movement behind her and she snuggled deeper into the warm embrace of the dark man, his arm draped around her, his hand resting against her breast. She carefully turned around to study him. 

Madenia's throat constricted and she felt her heart race at the sight of him. She realized that after the night before when she fought for their lives, that she loved him. She loved him more than she'd even loved anyone in her life, and she wanted to be with him always. She wanted her child to be the child of his hearth, but what could she possibly offer him? 

Madenia blinked back tears as she realized that she didn't even have her pack any longer. She'd lost everything. No, he'd be better off with Folara. Her family was among the highest ranked of the zelandonii. He'd have much status if he took her for his mate. She knew that he'd turned her down, everyone on the hunting trip had heard about it, but only she knew it was because he still loved Ayla. 

Eventually though, she knew he'd get over his fixation with the beautiful blond woman, and when he did, she knew he'd never choose her. It was better if she distanced herself from him now, before her heart broke more later on. No, she knew what she had to do. She couldn't allow Ranec, or the others, to place themselves in danger for her again and if she left, she knew they'd follow. 

Though she didn't trust other men, and she barely could admit to herself that she trusted Ranec and Jondalar, she knew she'd have no choice but to return to the zelandoni and find a mate. There were plenty of men who would be willing to mate with her, despite the fact that she brought nothing to the union. She was after all blessed and that counted for something. 

Making her mind up, Madenia untangled herself from Ranec and crawled out of the tent. Wolf, who'd been laying by the fire spotted her and loped over, licking her face. She smiled at him and ruffled his fur before putting on her foot coverings. Her bladder was full and now that she was sitting up, she was starting to feel a little nauseous. She rubbed her arms together. The weather had turned somewhat, and though the sun was shining and the sky blue, the air was crisper and chillier than it had been. 

Rickolan saw her and smiled at her. "I'm glad you're awake. Can you believe how nice it is today?" he said with youthful enthusiasm. "I'm going to go back down to the beach later on. It'll be our last chance to see it before we leave tomorrow. Want to come along?" 

"Rickolan. She's just woke up and been through a rough time. She probably doesn't want to go anywhere near the water again for at least awhile." Riklomar chastised the son of his hearth. The boy blushed and looked down. 

"I didn't think of that, I'm sorry." He addressed Madenia as she stood and brushed off the dirt from Ayla's tunic. She smiled sadly at him. 

"Don't worry about it. I think I would like to see the water one more time, if Ayla thinks it's ok" She added looking at the blond woman. "Right now though, I need to relieve my bladder." 

Ayla watched Madenia leave camp, Wolf trotting along side of her. Though she tried to sound cheery, Ayla knew Madenia was feeling anything but. It was written in her body language and it had been quite some time since she saw such resolution and sadness in someone's eyes. She couldn't quite place where she'd seen the look before though. When she glanced over at Jondalar it came to her. 

It was the same look Joplaya had in her eyes when she realized that Jondalar wasn't in love with her, and that they'd never mate. 


	6. Season's of Sorrow Part 6

Jondalar smiled at Madenia as he took her small bundle of belongings and placed them on Whinney's pole drag. Since the storm two days ago, she had barely spoken to anyone, and seemed withdrawn, sad. He'd tried to strike up conversation with her, find out what was wrong, but besides answering small talk, she didn't volunteer any information. 

"That's about it," Jondalar cheerily stated as he gave Whinney a pat on her rump and looked around the area. "We've got much more salt than we can normally take with us." 

Joharren nodded. "This winter we'll be lucky we have it. I think we even have enough to do some trading with. This trip was definitely worth the extra time it took to make." 

Riklomar nodded in agreement, as he hoisted his traveling pack. "I'm glad we were able to come. Rickolan will probably look for a mate soon and this may be one of the last trips I'll have to spend time with the son of my hearth." 

Ranec, who'd been helping Ayla with Whinney's pole drag glanced over at the older man. There were so many people at the ninth cave he hadn't really gotten to know most of them. "Do you have any other children at your hearth?" he asked. 

"A daughter, Raylona. She's just entered her eighth year. She doesn't show much interest in hunting though. Her mother tends to spoil her more than I think she should." He stated with a wry grin. 

Ranec then looked over at Ayla, who'd just picked up Tholiza and hugged her, placing a kiss on her nose. He longed for a child at his hearth and it shown in his answer. "That's what mother's are supposed to do." He wistfully replied as he watched them a few seconds longer before rearranging the contents of his pack. He made sure his parka was on top, since the weather had definitely taken on a cooler feeling. He then hoisted his pack and looked around at everyone. 

"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm ready to go home." Joharren stated as he took his customary place at the head of the line, followed by Willomar then the others. Normally, Jondalar and Ayla would have been next in that line, but since they had the horses, they had gotten into a habit of bringing up the rear. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ayla adjusted Wynic in his sling, and smiled at the sleeping child. He was getting so big. It was amazing how quickly babies grew, she thought. Though she had more time to spend with Jondalar, and time for herself, she was looking forward to getting back to the Ninth Cave. It was the beginning of autumn, and soon she'd be stuck in the cave for the winter but for right now, she wanted to get home and prepare their hearth for the winter months. 

Ayla had acquired many hides she could work on this winter, and she promised Jondalar's mother she'd show her how to make white leather. She didn't think Crozie would really mind. After all, Marthona was family and she'd promised to keep the process a secret. 

There were other things bothering Ayla as she thought about the long winter months ahead, and the situation with Ranec and Madenia. An unbidden idea struck her, and she couldn't help but smile as she hurried to catch up with Jondalar. If he thought it was a good idea, they could then approach Joharren with it. 

Madenia had slowed her pace as she hugged Tholiza to her. It was getting chillier since the group was traveling across the open grassy plains. She was grateful to see her pack and belongings, what could be found of them, drying at the campsite yesterday, but her parka and some of her sleeping furs had been missing. She tried to find them later that day but there was no sign of them in the cave or along the beach. Tholiza's parka provided her with some warmth as she carried the child. 

At first, Madenia was going to mention it to Ayla but then thought better of it. If she was ever going to be able to provide for a baby, she had to learn to provide for herself and not depend on other people. It was a choice she knew she was making when she left her people many moons ago. Only the children, plus Rickolan and Ayla had their parkas on. The men hadn't bothered with theirs as of yet, so no one had thought it odd she wasn't wearing one. Soon though, she would have to think of something. 

_'Of course!', _Madenia thought, '_I can use what's left of my sleeping furs to put one together. I still have my knife, and it wouldn't take too long to make one. At least it will last until I am able to go on a hunt with the cave. Then perhaps I can kill a large enough animal to replace what I've lost.'_ Madenia was pleased she'd thought of a way to solve her predicament and vowed to spend more time practicing with the spear thrower. 

There was nothing stopping her from setting her snares though, except her own fear. That too, she'd have to get over if she were going to provide for her and her baby. Then, at the next summer meeting, she could look for a mate if she didn't find one this winter. It would be nice if she could stay in the Ninth Cave, near Ayla, Jondalar and Ranec though. At least she'd have this winter to meet more people in the cave and see if anyone would be interested in her. 

Madenia almost didn't realize that the group was slowing, until she found herself almost beside Ranec. She looked around dazed for a moment. Apparently they had decided to camp here for the night. 

It didn't take long for everyone to pitch camp since they all worked together. The four traveling tents were set around the fire pit, and their dinner consisted of an ermine who's fur hadn't started to change color yet, that Wolf managed to flush out and Ayla stopped with her sling, and a giant squirrel that Rickolan killed. He was very proud of his contribution as Ayla and Madenia cleaned and gutted the animals, then set them to cooking with vegetables they'd gathered. 

Madenia pulled out her sleeping furs and marked where she was going to cut them as she listened to Ranec and Jondalar sing a Mamutoi song as Ayla whistled along. Tholiza and Wynic were both listening with rapt attention at the foreign music. Willomar, Joharren and Riklomar all joined in by clapping to the tune. 

It didn't take her long to cut the furs into a slip-on parka, but the stitching would take much longer. She had borrowed Ayla's thread-puller and awl, and as the others relaxed around the fire, started the tedious task of stitching the two pieces together. She had to admit that with the thread-puller the sewing went much faster. 

Madenia thought of all the decorations she could have put on the parka. If she were still living at home, her mother would have made sure she had the best their status could obtain. Her parka would have been trimmed with fox fur, as her last one had been, and spiral patterns from bone would decorate the outside. Instead, she was working on a plain, simple parka to tide her over until she could make a better one this winter. 

At the end of the last song, everyone took that as a sign to turn in. Madenia smiled at the others as they headed off to their own tents, Ayla telling her not to stay up too late because she needed her rest. Once she was alone, Madenia took a deep, slow breath and let it out. She was only about a quarter of the way finished with stitching her parka together. She smoothed the fur again with her hand as she studied the make-shift parka. It really was the best she could come up with, she knew. She'd had her sleeping furs a long time though, and even though she tried to pick the best spots to cut the parka from, she had to admit it was looking somewhat ragged. 

Ranec watched from the tent as Madenia worked on something by the fire. Whatever it was, she had been working on it most of the night. The night was overtly quiet causing the crackling and popping of the fire to sound loud to his ears. He watched as Madenia sat up then, rolled her neck, then arch her back. She was getting tired. It was also definitely getting chillier and when he saw her briefly rub her hands together he realized she wasn't wearing her parka. He smiled when he thought of a way he could warm her. 

Ranec slipped quietly out of the tent and over to Madenia. "Denie," he whispered as he placed his hands on her shoulders. She jumped slightly as she turned to face him. "It's getting late and cold. Whatever that is can wait until tomorrow. Why don't you come to sleep?" he said as he rubbed her arms slowly with his hands as he knelt behind her. 

Madenia turned to the parka she'd been working on. If she didn't get as much as she could done now, it would take her even longer to finish it, which meant it would take her longer before she could wear it. When Ranec leaned forward though, and started to kiss her neck and nibble on her ear, her entire body became alert and she felt herself back into his warmth. What he was doing felt so good as he massaged her neck and placed kisses on her shoulders. 

She sat up then and pulled forward a little. She couldn't allow herself to get any closer to him. She just couldn't. If she did, then she'd have a harder time losing him later on. 

Ranec hesitated for a moment when she pulled away from him, but smiled at how nervous she seemed. He knew she had been responding to him and thought her sudden coyness was cute. Perhaps a game. It wouldn't be the first time a woman played hard to get with him. His eyes gleamed as he stretched out beside her, propping his head on his arm as he watched her busy herself with her sewing. From the blush on her cheeks and her determined focus on the stitches she was working on, he could tell she was trying her best to pretend he wasn't there. Still, she hadn't told him to go away. 

Ranec took his other hand and lazily traced circles on her upper thigh, watching her intake of breath, and her chest rise and fall quickly. Yes, she did want him. And he wanted her. Oh Mut how he wanted her. His manhood was becoming very uncomfortable. 

Ranec inched his hand upward on her thigh slowly as he traced the circle pattern. When she stopped sewing, but still stared at the piece in her hands, he leaned over and started to lightly kiss her upper thigh through her trousers. He allowed his kisses to trail the same path as his hand had, and when he was near her womanhood, he delved in closer. He was pleased to hear a small whimper come from Madenia and smiled. She wouldn't be turning him down now. 

Sitting up, Ranec took the fur from her hands and sat it by the fire, not breaking eye contact with her. Madenia's eyes were opened wide as she watched him, full of the passion he'd created in her. 

Ranec reached over and ran a hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear before leaning forward and paying utmost attention to her neck. When she started to lean back he gently wrapped his arms around her, and eased her to the ground as he pressed his body atop hers. 

As his kisses found her full and wanting lips halfway parted, he explored every inch of her mouth as his hand slipped under her tunic and cupped a breast, her firm nipple jutting into the palm of his hand. He played with it for a moment, marveling at how her blessing caused her breasts to fill out. They were heavier and he was taken by a sudden urge to see her entire body. Reluctantly, he sat up and quickly pulled his tunic over his head, shivering slightly in the cool air. He watched Madenia's eyes roam his chest as her tongue darted out to moisten her lower lip. He helped her to sit up and gently pulled her tunic over her head. He wasn't expecting to feel her cupping his manhood and moaned at the sensation as he leaned into her touch. He couldn't believe how ready he felt. 

Ranec leaned her back again, and let his hands roam down her bare chest, cupping a breast in each hand. "You're so beautiful, Denie, So perfect." He muttered as his hands traced a path down her stomach. He stopped then and kissed her stomach, marveling at the tiny life growing inside her before working loose the drawstring of her trousers and slowly pulling them off. 

He sat back and stared at her as tiny goose bumps rose on her flesh. "So beautiful," he muttered again as he parted her legs and nestled his head between supple thighs. He inhaled deeply before parting her womanly folds and tasting her in one slow lick. 

Madenia cried out with the jolt of pleasure he created in her as she arched herself towards him. He expertly tasted and teased her as he inserted one, then two fingers into her moving them back and forth, then around in slow circles. Before long she found herself wriggling at his touch and whimpering. Then without warning, her body went rigid and convulsed over and over again as she cried out in pleasure before collapsing, spent. 

Ranec smiled as he traced his fingers up and down her thigh. He loved watching her in the heat of pleasures and this time, with the fire light glistening on her skin, and the stars overhead it seemed extra special. There was something different about their sharing pleasures tonight, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. His member almost hurt with wanting release but he also wanted this night to last forever. Once her breathing slowed, he smiled devilishly at her before lowering his head to kiss her intimately again. 

Madenia jumped when she felt his lips nibbling at the bud of her womanhood. She was expecting him to enter her with his manhood. She was very sensitive there and shifted uncomfortably but his arms held her fast. After a few moments, she was surprised to find herself building to another peak, this one more intense than before. She started to feel lightheaded and thought she was going to pass out as her body shook violently with release. 

Ranec gave her one last kiss as he made his way up her body, teasing her nipples with his tongue as he went along. Once he was settled between her thighs he looked down into the stunned look on her face. "It's my turn now." He whispered as he positioned his manhood at her opening and slowly let his entire length sink into her warm folds. He groaned in pleasure as his shaft filled her until he could go no farther. "Oh Denie, my perfect Denie," he called out as he pulled back and thrust into her over and over again, his urgency building. Right before he reached his peak he felt her clamp around his shaft and her fingers dig into his back. They both cried out in pleasure as their bodies shook with their climaxes. 

Ranec collapsed onto Madenia as he held her tightly to him, his spent member still inside her. "That was perfect. So perfect." He muttered as his body shook from the effort. Ranec almost wished they could start all over again as he thought about how she looked as he brought her pleasure, and he felt his manhood stir a little, but he was also becoming aware of Madenia shivering slightly beneath him, and the cold of the night. Pulling out, he smiled sheepishly at her as he held out his hand, then helped her up. He watched her as she gathered her tunic and trousers and as she gathered his, she gave him a shy smile before heading into their traveling tent. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Rickolan frowned as he glanced at the one traveling tent who's flap was still closed. While he stoked the fire, he was fighting with feelings he hadn't realized ran so deep. It was no secret about Madenia sharing pleasures with Ranec. Everyone in the camp had heard it and there were quite a few jokes passed around this morning about how vocal they'd been. It was almost midmorning and neither of them were up yet. 

Rickolan threw the stick he was using into the fire and stood up. _He_ had wanted to be the one Madenia shared her furs with_. He _had wanted to make her cry out over and over in pleasure. She wasn't that much older than himself, he figured, and after all, he did have his Donii-woman this summer so he knew how to pleasure a woman. 

Rickolan thought that Madenia liked him. They went to the beach together the last day they were at the ocean, and they always joked and laughed together. Besides, he thought, the carver was far too old for her. He had half a mind to march over to the tent that instant and pull Madenia away. 

Rickolan was chastising himself for not inviting her to share his furs. But since they'd been traveling, he had to share a tent with the man of his hearth. Now that he thought about it though, they could have gone off on their own if need be. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a sound and turned to look at the tent. No, he sighed, it wasn't coming from there. Irritation built in him as he went over to where Riklomar and Willomar were standing. 

"When are we going to leave?" He impatiently asked, not waiting for them to acknowledge his presence. Both men stopped their conversation and stared at him. "It's already mid morning. If we don't get started soon we wont make any distance traveling today." He complained. 

"Rickolan, you do not interrupt when others are talking." Riklomar chastised, his body language letting Rickolan know just how upset the man of his hearth was. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and had the decency to blush. 

Willomar smiled and clasped a hand on Rickolan's shoulder trying to ease the tension of the moment. "Anxious to get back to the Ninth cave? Now that you're a man I'm sure you have better things to do than just collect salt with us old men." He joked and Rickolan blushed even harder. 

"Why don't we try and find something for the evening meal? I'm sure that *this* old man can still give you a run for your money when it comes to hunting." Willomar offered and Rickolan glanced over at the tent once more. 

"I suppose." He mumbled, "let me get my spears." The two men watched as he headed off to his tent to gather what he'd need. 

"Ah, it's going to be difficult, Riklomar. He's at that age where he wants everything to happen all at once." Willomar sighed. 

Riklomar nodded as he glanced over at Madenia's traveling tent. "I know." 

Joharren, came into the camp then, holding up some branches about an inch thick and walked over to where Ayla and Jondalar were sitting by Wolf who was watching the children as they played with him. "How are these?" He asked Jondalar as he sat the branches down beside them. Ayla looked up from her sewing. 

"That's good. It won't take us very long at all." Jondalar smiled as he continued to work on his project. 

Joharren glanced over at the tent flap. "Any sign of them waking yet?" he asked in a low voice. 

Ayla shook her head. "I'm hoping she sleeps in a little longer. She needs her rest." 

Jondalar guffawed. "I don't think they were getting much of that last night!" 

Ayla smiled coyly at him. "As I recall, neither were we." She beamed when he blushed yet gave her a longing look. "There, all finished." Ayla announced as she held up the parka that Madenia had started last night. 

Ayla had known that Madenia was cold yesterday when they were traveling, and couldn't understand why she hadn't put on her parka. When she'd seen the young woman sewing by the fire last night, she understood. This morning, when the pair had decided to sleep in, Ayla took it upon herself to finish the parka that had been left by the fire. She wasn't worried about Madenia having sleep furs though, since *finally* she and Ranec seemed to be working through whatever had been holding them back. 

Jondalar smiled at her as he started to strip the branches while Joharren took up his task of bending them. By the time they were finished, Madenia would have a new pack made of the sturdiest and finest materials. As the family that had led the Ninth cave for generations, they expected the best and would not settle for less in their craftsman ship. 

Ranec propped himself on one elbow as he studied the woman beside him. He was in awe at how wonderful she had been last evening. Their pleasures by the fire were amazing. He couldn't quite place it, but there had been something different, special about last night. Ranec had pleasured Madenia in the past, though not as often as he would have liked, but never had he felt so alive, so complete as he did last night. Even after they retreated to their traveling tent the night hadn't ended for them. They shared pleasures once again, this time with Madenia sitting atop him. 

As he studied the beautiful woman beside him his heart swelled and he took a deep breath even as his member stirred. He was happy, content_. If only he could share pleasures with her all the time_, he thought, _maybe if they shared a_ _hearth together_

Ranec's heart started. _Where had that thought come from?_ He asked himself as he continued to gaze at her supple, young body. Watching her breathe with deep, even breaths, he traced a finger across her half parted lips. 

His chest constricted and his eyes became watery as his thoughts took him back to the other night when he was certain that Mut had taken her from him. How could he have been so lucky as to have her with him still? The night in the cave he was certain he was going to die. He knew it. But it hadn't mattered to him as long as Denie made it to safety. 

Ranec shook himself. It didn't matter any longer. They were both safe. Her baby was fine. He couldn't keep dwelling on what might have happened, or _what will happen, _he thought as she shifted in her sleep. Her leg, which had been nestled between his two, shifted very close to his manhood which he found, was now wide awake and straining to reach her. 

Ranec heard laughter outside the tent, Ayla's laughter, and he frowned confused. He looked back down at Madenia and sighed. _No, he couldn't give his heart to another woman. He loved Ayla and Denie deserved better than him. What could he ever hope to offer her?_ _She needed to find a man who could love her, and I promised to help her find one_, but even as he thought the words, a desperate sadness caused a lump to form in his throat. Gently, he placed a hand on her stomach, splaying his fingers so he could try and feel a hint of the life inside her. 

Denie had told him that Ayla thought she had missed at least 3 moon times so far. That meant the baby would be born during the height of winter. He wondered briefly if it would be a boy or girl, and found himself hoping the child would be of his spirit. What did it matter though? Someone else would be the man of the hearth for the baby. Someone else would pace outside the hearth while the mamut helped her to give birth. Someone else would celebrate the new life. Someone else would bring pleasures to her. 

Madenia stretched and placed her hand over his as she smiled up at him, unaware that all the love she felt for him shown in her eyes. The morning couldn't have been more perfect. She felt as if all her troubles had been lifted off her shoulders with his confession of love to her. After all, hadn't he called her _his Denie,_ last night? It was almost more than she could have hoped for that he felt the same way for her as she did for him. It didn't matter to him that she had nothing to bring to the hearth. 

"Morning," he smiled down at her, he couldn't not smile. She was radiant and her smile was contagious. She reached up and pulled his head down, kissing him slow and longingly. When she let him go, she smiled dreamily up at him. "It is now." She whispered. She had never felt so alive, so wonderful, and as he rolled on top of her, she gave herself to him fully, trusting him, knowing that he wouldn't hurt her. 


	7. Seasons of Sorrow FINAL PART

Note: This is the last section of SoS, but the story does continue in the next fic (which has yet to be named). I have only one EC series going though, so if you look me up in the directory, you should find it with no problem. In the description, it will say 'a continuation of Seasons of Sorrow'.  
  
Thanks to all who have been patient in waiting for this next installment. I'm glad you've enjoyed the fic.  
  
zzzaney  
  
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As the small group of travelers rounded the last bend of their journey, they could hear shouting from the limestone ledge above as news of their return was announced to the 9th cave of the zelandonii. Children ran down the path to greet them, and walk with them the rest of the way, the older ones taking the packs that weren't on the travois to help lessen their load.   
  
  
  
All at once they were bombarded with questions from every direction as the young, eager faces stared up at them. Did they find salt? Did they really go to the Great Waters of the West? What was it like? Could they go the next time? Wolf bounded around all the laughing children happy to have his younger pack-mates around. Joharren and Willomar laughed at the onslaught of questions as Joharren lifted a child onto his shoulders and bounced up the path. He stopped in front of his waiting mate, and sat the child down as he took her into his arms and greeted her properly. It didn't take Willomar long to follow suit with Marthona.   
  
Madenia and Ranec started to unload the travois' with other members of the 9th cave as Jondalar and Ayla greeted his mother and Zelandoni. With so many hands helping, the newly collected salt was unloaded quickly and placed in one of the many storage areas. The spiritual leader of the 9th cave would decide later how the salt would be rationed among the cave members, and how much could be put aside for trading. A larger portion, of course, would go to those who had made the journey and worked hard to collect the salt from the ocean to begin with.  
  
The air held a definite expectant quality as the 9th cave laughed and prepared a feast. Zelandoni and decided the cave should wait until the return of the Willomar, and the rest before having the feast for the successful hunt. Now they had even more reason to celebrate.   
  
No sooner had Ayla reached her hearth and dropped her belongings did Zelandoni scratch on the hide and ask the younger woman to join her at her hearth. Jondalar looked at the two of them with curiosity as he stepped out of Madenia's way. "I'll look after the children." he offered as Ayla awarded him with one of her winning smiles. He watched Ayla go, then picked up Tholiza and held her with one arm as he lifted his pack onto his sleeping platform and start to unload it. Jondalar grimaced when he reached the bottom of the pack and found it filled with sand. "It looks like we brought some of the beach back with us" he joked as he held the pack over the fire pit and dumped the contents into the middle.   
  
Ranec, who'd been holding Wynic and trying to unload his own pack had just discovered the same thing. "It may be awhile before all the sand is cleaned out." The group had brought back many beautiful shells as well as the salt. After the storm they found quite a few large ones that would be good for many things. But staring at the bottom of his pack, it was the first time Ranec really noticed the sand.  
  
"Madenia, before you shake the sand out of your pack, can I have it?" Ranec asked, then looked over at Jondalar. "I'd like to try something with it."  
  
Jondalar shrugged "I'm sure Ayla still has a lot in her pack also."  
  
Madenia nodded at him and couldn't help but grin as she eyed him. "Is that all you'd like?" She asked in a teasing way, surprised at her own boldness.  
  
Ranec immediately responded to the hint and his body posture changed. This was a game he knew very well. He relaxed and his eyes bore into hers. "Not all, but it will do... until tonight." Madenia blushed and looked away as she smiled and Jondalar felt a familiar stirring in his manhood, hoping Ayla wouldn't be gone too long.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The feast went on half the night with the zelandonii dancing and drinking, telling new stories and adding new twists to old ones. Ayla and Zelandoni had been behind closed drapes for a long time earlier, and now Ayla smiled as she relaxed into Jondalar's hold as she looked at her friends and new family enjoying themselves.   
  
  
  
Her eyes settled on Madenia and Ranec as they danced together. He was trying to teach her the steps to one of the Mamutoi dances he knew and they'd laugh when Madenia would go left instead of right, tripping over Ranec before he'd catch her. She couldn't help but smile at the couple as they held hands and spun around in circles until they were dizzy. Beyond the two dancers, Ayla caught a glimpse of Zelandoni and her smile somewhat faded.  
  
It seemed the One who was First had already known they had met with danger and Ayla soon found herself telling the older woman all that had happened on the journey to the Great Waters. When Ayla ended by mentioning the idea she had of having Madenia and Ranec share a hearth though, the Donier protested.  
  
She explained that when a man and woman mate and establish a hearth it honors the Mother. But to do so without tying the knot and going through a trial period would take status from all the mated couples who've taken the time to honor Her the right way. It would make a mockery of the Mother.  
  
When explained to her, Ayla understood why it was not possible for them to have a hearth to themselves. But she couldn't help thinking of all the time she and Jondalar were able to spend along discovering each other. Maybe there could be some other way Ranec and Madenia could spend some time alone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ranec's eyes bore into Madenia as he spun her around. Her head was thrown back and she laughed with childlike abandon. He slowed and drew her into his embrace as she clutched him for balance, still smiling. Ranec found himself overcome with an emotion that seemed new, yet familiar, raw and passionate. He opened his mouth to speak but didn't know what to say.  
  
The beautiful young woman in his arms, filled with the Mother's Blessing took his very breath away. If he couldn't tell her what he was feeling, he'd show her. Oh, Mut how he'd show her!  
  
  
  
As if sensing his hunger, Madenia's breath caught and she went flaccid in his arms. Ranec easily supported her weight with one arm as he brought his free hand up to brush a stray hair from her face.   
  
"Denie", he managed to choke out as his gaze shifted from her eyes to her full lips, then down to her round breasts heaving with her rapid breathing before gazing at her lips again. He pressed her tightly to him as he leaned his head forward, intent on kissing those wonderful, inviting lips.  
  
They both jumped when they each felt a hand on their shoulders.  
  
A younger man, perhaps only 16 seasons had put an arm around each of them. Ranec could feel Madenia stiffen and pull back as the man leaned towards her smiling broadly and smelling of Barma.  
  
  
  
"I have been waiting all night to dance with you, but someone's been manipulating your time. I'm Daharron, son of Estella of the ninth cave of the Zelandonii. We met before but that was when you first arrived at the summer meeting." He announced with a flare, confident in his manner.  
  
Madenia looked down and tried to shift so he wasn't touching her, as she mumbled a hello. Out of nowhere she felt her heart race and a feeling of panic start to grip her chest.   
  
"I..I'm pretty tired. I was just going to sit down." She stuttered.  
  
"That's even better", he smiled suggestively at her and Ranec moved Madenia so she was partially behind him so he was no longer able to touch her.  
  
"She said she's tired." Ranec coolly replied as he sized up Daharron.  
  
Others dancing or eating nearby realized something was going on and stopped what they were doing to watch. With so many people living together ill feelings were quickly quelled. Sometimes the leaders of the cave intervened to make certain there were no lingering bad feelings that could cause problems later on. As for now, everyone was waiting to see what would happen.  
  
The young man stared at Ranec for a long moment, apparently deciding whether or not to pursue the matter. He swayed slightly as he glanced from Ranec to Madenia, then back to the tall dark visitor. Finally he shrugged and held his hands up, palms facing outward.   
  
"There's no reason to get upset. It was just a dance. You're acting as if you're mated to her." He quipped as he backed away unsteadily and disappeared into the crowd.  
  
The man's words cut through Ranec as if he'd been dealt a physical blow.  
  
He looked around, stunned, at everyone as they went back to their own celebrating. Ranec finally turned to Madenia. "Are you all right?" He asked.  
  
She nodded and he wrapped an arm protectively around her as he guided her to a stone seat covered with furs. Ayla touched Ranec on the shoulder and handed him a cup of hot tea, then motioned toward Madenia who was sitting with her head in her hands. Ranec smiled his thanks and sat down beside the young woman nudging the cup into her hands.  
  
Madenia didn't seem to realize he was there as she mechanically took a sip of the tea and stared into nothingness.   
  
A cold lump formed in the pit of Ranec's stomach as he recalled Daharron's words. Madenia wasn't his mate and to make matters worse, he'd promised to help her find one! What right did he have dancing with her all night? A feast was the perfect time for her to meet other zelandonii men.  
  
Not Daharron, of course, but there were plenty of eligible... he took a deep breath, not wanting to finish the thought. What else could he do though? He couldn't ask her to mate with him. He had nothing to offer. Even if she were to accept they'd still not have a permanent home and his people were far to the west. Besides, she deserved someone who loved her. Someone who would be gentle with her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated. He was still in love with Ayla and always would be.  
  
Before Ranec could come to terms with all the thoughts racing through his head he was interrupted when another man approached them.  
  
"Hello," he nervously started and smiled when Madenia looked up at him. "I was wondering if you'd like to dance with me. I'm Balkamar, son of Visena of the cave of the zelandonii. I am here visiting with my close cousins." He quickly finished and stood waiting.  
  
Madenia watched as he nervously fidgeted with his tunic, hoping she'd say yes. There didn't seem to be anything threatening about him but Madenia only wanted to be with Ranec. She knew he was the one man who would never hurt her.   
  
"Maybe later. I'm a little tired right now." She smiled at him, hoping he'd understand.  
  
"Sure." He returned the smile but she could tell it was forced. A pink hue stained his cheeks as he walked away -- but not towards a group of other young men who were now laughing and pointing in his direction. She felt really sorry about hurting his feelings.  
  
Maybe you should have danced with him." Ranec stated as he looked down at his hands, not trusting himself to look at her. If he did he may not have the fortitude to go through with what he was about to say.  
  
  
  
Madenia looked at him quizzically. "Why?" What was so important about a dance anyway?  
  
"Well," he started slowly. "For one thing it gives you the chance to meet zelandonii men of good status. If you still want me to help you find a man, a feast is a good--" he stopped himself short when he looked up at her and saw the stricken look upon her face. Even as he spoke the words he hoped she's tell him that she'd already found the man she wanted to be with.  
  
"Denie?" Ranec asked, puzzled as he saw tears well in her eyes. Did he lower lip just quiver?  
  
Madenia couldn't breathe, she felt as if her heart had been ripped out and she was going to lose the contents of her stomach. After all they had shared, he still wanted her to find someone else! She wasn't good enough for him. He knew about the attack and she was too tainted for him. Spoiled.   
  
Madenia tried to speak but when no words formed she quickly turned away from him. She felt Ranec's hand on her shoulder but shrugged it off as she hastily wiped a tear away. How could she have been so stupid to open her heard to him? Part of her wanted to run away. Far away.  
  
No, she was tired of running and tired of being hurt by men. No more! If she had to find one to make she wouldn't but she would never allow anyone to get close to her again. Ever.   
  
"Denie, are you all right?" Ranec asked.  
  
Madenia straightened her shoulders, wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her tunic and took a deep breath. No man would ever see her cry again, and she'd never cry because of a man! She could face him. Her anger would sustain her.  
  
"You're right," Madenia started as she whipped around to look him straight in the eye. "I shouldn't be wasting my time with you when I could be looking for a man who wants me."  
  
Madenia felt a sensed of satisfaction at the hurt look on Ranec's face but she didn't give him time to reply as she stood and purposely walked in the direction of the young man whom she'd just turned down.  
  
Ranec sat in stunned silence, confused, as Madenia walked away wondering why she was so upset with him. Wasn't he doing what he'd promised? Certainly she knew he couldn't mate with her. He had nothing to offer! He wasn't even zelandonii. If she'd been interested in him she would have told him by now anyway.  
  
He watched as she approached Balkamar and practically pulled him into the middle of the floor where others were dancing. The young man's friends definitely weren't laughing now as Balkamar pressed Madenia to him and spoke quietly to her.  
  
  
  
As the evening wore on, Ranec watched Madenia dance with a myriad of men, laughing and having a good time. He could tell she'd been receiving quite a few offers to share the Mother's gift of pleasures but so far she hadn't accepted any of them. It was the only thing that allowed him to remain where he was and not give into the impulse of intervening. Not that he would, given that every time Madenia caught his eye she gave him a forbidding glare.  
  
He didn't really think she would given what had happened to her in the past and that thought allowed him to relax as the night wore on. Not that she should turn down sharing pleasures, he told himself, and it was totally her decision, but he was looking forward to pleasuring her himself later on.   
  
Across the open area that was being used for the main part of the feast, Ranec caught sight of someone he hadn't seen since they'd returned this morning.   
  
Folara had just walked towards Marthona and Willomar, who were sitting with Joharren as well as Ayla and Jondalar. He watched as she hugged her mother and took a cup from Jondalar. She glanced in his direction, then abruptly turned her back on him. A few moments later Jondalar got up and started to dance with his sister, but it wasn't long before another man cut in and took over.  
  
It seemed everyone was enjoying themselves, as they should, except him. He filled his cup of Barma again and downed it without really tasting it. It didn't make any sense and he decided to remedy the situation.  
  
It didn't take long for him to find a beautiful young woman to dance with and she was flirting with him, making him forget all his worries. It wasn't until later on, when she invited him to share her sleeping furs that he hesitated, knowing Madenia would be returning back to theirs soon. Normally he wouldn't hesitate to share pleasures with a beautiful woman, but he really wanted to talk with Denie and find out why she was so angry with him. He wanted to feel her in his arms.  
  
As he watched his dance partner walk away he realized that not many people were still celebrating. Most of the musicians had also found someone to share pleasures with or simply went back to their hearths to sleep and he looked around for Madenia. At first he didn't see her and realized that she'd probably went back to the hearth so he started in that direction.  
  
There was something familiar about the couple ahead of him, and he realized with a start that the woman was Madenia! He started walking a little faster but they turned into a hearth and closed the screens before he could reach them. Outside the dwelling he felt his cheeks flush with heat as he heard her giggle and moan. A jealous rage ripping him apart as he imagined another man with her. Not being able to stand the sound of someone else pleasuring her, Ranec turned and quickly left the overhang, practically running down the path towards the river in the valley below.  
  
Madenia giggled as Jaminar's beard tickled her neck. She was feeling aroused and scared all at the same time. At first she hadn't even considered going to Janimar's hearth, but seeing Ranec with that woman brought back all the hurt his rejection had caused her. She wasn't going to let him know how much he'd hurt her. At first Jaminar was just going to walk her back to her hearth, but when she realized that Ranec was following her, alone, she changed her mind and decided to go to his.  
  
At first Madenia thought she'd be able to share pleasures with him. He was charming, and funny, but a wave of panic built in her as his hands played with her breasts under her tunic, then tugged at the drawstring of her pants.  
  
"No!" Madenia cried and pushed him back, surprised that he'd actually let her go. The only thing to be heard was her heavy breathing as he looked at her stunned. "I...I'm sorry. I can't. I have to go." She shakily explained as tears streaked down her face. "I'm sorry."  
  
She ran past him leaving him standing in the middle of the hearth, alone.  
  
Madenia didn't know which direction to take as she stumbled through the cave until she was at the overhang. Jaminar hadn't done anything to her that she hadn't encouraged, she knew, but she just couldn't share pleasures with him. Tomorrow she'd have to apologize to him.   
  
What would she do tonight though? She knew Ranec hadn't gone to another woman's hearth, and she didn't feel like facing him tonight either. Madenia looked around and saw a parka by the opening. Grabbing it, she headed up the pass towards the top of the overhang. She had to think. She had to get away. Running as fast as she dared in the dark on the steep path, Madenia was soon at the top and over the ledge, out of sight.  
  
~~The End~~ (look for the continuation coming soon) 


End file.
